Am I actually doing this? Heather's Banded Journey

First visit with the new Dr.

2011-09-11T09:38:00.001-05:00

Well I went to my appointment with the new dr. The office was nicer in person than they were on the phone so that was a good thing. Completed all of the health history stuff and the dr came in. He was pretty nice, but in ways I felt him to be thorough. He listened to what I had to say and he told me that he wanted me to have an upper gi before he did too much with my band just to make sure that everything is just right. I go for that this week. He did give me a 1cc fill although I am not feeling much difference.

He also is going to do a full lab workup which I haven't had done at my old practice testing for all vitamin deficiencies too. This makes me happy as I am still losing a lot of hair 15 months after surgery. This fact is another reason that I had so much fill taken out in July. I was tired of losing so much hair! Unfortunately that didn't help and I still fill the drain with hair at every shower. Maybe the labs will indicate something.

I go back in a month, Which is longer than I really want to wait, but I will go with it!

Coming clean...

2011-09-08T06:54:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that I have disappeared for almost 2 months. Seeing my current status, I should have been around. I last left you all with having a major unfill. That was the worst thing that I could have done. I have put on 20 lbs in 2 months! I truly think that I hadn't dealt with a lot of my issues from losing my brother and the hunger came that I hadn't felt in a year and I ate, and ate, and ate. I can't wear any of my clothes. I went a dug a bunch out of the storage closet while in tears yesterday. I don't want to go back there!

This has all been compounded with insurance issues. I can't get back in for a new fill at my surgeons office because my insurance says I should see the new guy who is local to me. I new guy would have to refuse to see me to get my insurance to pay for my surgeon. Don't we all love HMO's? I have an appointment on this Friday at the new surgeons office. They seem rude on the phone. I asked the secretary yesterday when they called me if it was a possibility to get a fill at that first appointment and she said she didn't know. I can't handle another month of this. I am ready to get back in the game. I have lost all of the strides that I made this year. Maybe I dealt with some of the stuff that I hadn't dealt with, but still 20 efffin lbs??? I am 5'2, I look like a balloon!

Thanks all for the vent!

Unfill is going well

2011-07-11T06:56:00.000-05:00

I mentioned that I went to my Dr. last week for a big unfill. I had 3cc taken out leaving me with 3.5 in my band. I have to say after this weekend, I can't be happier! I had been having a lot of trouble getting in enough calories for maintenance and had resorted to eating crap with no nutritional value just to get the calories. I really wanted good food! I have been able to eat well and it is great. The nurse said that my weight may waver a bit this week, but it hasn't at all. I think I am getting the same caloric amount, but now more nutrition. I feel that I probably was too tight for too long, but wonder if I could have lost the weight without being so tight. I would want to eat so bad, but just give up because it was too much trouble. I also wasn't getting in enough water or liquids as it would be close to 1.5 hours before anything would go down after eating. I didn't have time to constantly be drinking if I wasn't trying to eat so I just didn't drink or would forget. I am loving that I can drink again whenever I want!

I am now feeling good about everything and some people at work are asking if I would do it all again. The answer to that is a definate YES!

I can't believe it has almost been a month...

2011-07-08T12:52:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted, but I have been reading although my commenting has left much to be desired. Sorry to everyone. When I last left you, we were starting to work on the kitchen remodel. Boy, that was a job. My husband and I don't hire things out, so we do all of the work ourselves. We have a system of who does what and it seems to work pretty well most of the time. The kitchen is the last room in the house that needed a makeover so I am glad to have that accomplished! Now on to the pictures... You all are seeing this before my children, as they have been visiting my parents in California since we started and now finished! I hope they will be surprised!

The Befores: (these are when I was buying the house. I had made small changes like appliances and a good cleaning, but you get the picture...)

And the afters!!!!

I can't believe that we dealt with that nasty ugly dysfunctional kitchen for that long! We are in love with the results! My husband actually cut all of the granite himself too. Always an excuse for some new tools!

In band news, I went yesterday for a major unfill. I had resorted to eating crapola to get my calories up in order not to lose more weight. I so wanted to eat good food. I had 6.5cc in my 10cc band. I had 3 removed yesterday. I am going to work maintenance with a lower fill level and see how that goes. The nurse told me that I was too tight anyway. When she put the needle in my port it started pushing saline in the syringe without her doing anything! Wish me luck!

Let's show some BOOBs love

2011-06-16T06:47:00.001-05:00

I found this morning that a new blogger Kristina is following me and she just started her 21 DAY pre-op diet on Tuesday. Let's show her a Boobs welcome! http://lapband-complete180.blogspot.com/

1 year has came and went, and I have to say... If I can do this, ANYONE CAN!

2011-06-11T20:23:00.002-05:00

So my one year banded date has past (June 9) and I am finally getting around to posting my pictures. Sorry I didn't post them on the day, but since my brother passed away on my 6 month band day, I was having a bad day with the fact that he had been gone 6 months. I also spent the weekend with my mother in St. Louis. She has flown in from San Diego for the weekend and then she is leaving on Tuesday and taking my sons (15 & 11) with her for 5 weeks before my father brings them back in July. They love traveling with my parents in the summertime. They have been doing this for the past 4 summers.

While in St. Louis, we took my 2 year old to the zoo. We had a wonderful time and it was awesome to be able to walk around and keep up with her without a problem.

So on to the pictures... The befores were taken the night before my surgery. I had lost some weight already and thought I was looking good. How our perception is warped sometimes...

I know that many of you ask, "What do you eat?" They glory of this whole process, is I eat ANYTHING I want! Now mind you, I like to keep pretty well track of what I am eating, but if I want to eat cheese puffs and ice cream that day, I DO! This band has allowed me to take control of my eating and my life. I am loving every minute of this new life. I myself am the first to be amazed by this transformation. I know that if I can do this, ANYONE can!

1 year measurements

2011-06-06T19:40:00.001-05:00

Since I have had my band for one year this week, I decided that it was time to take my measurements again. I recommend taking measurements to anyone who is researching the band or newly banded. It really helps to see some changes when the scale doesn't seem to be cooperating. Anyway, on to the measurements... but before that I have a picture that gives a bit of a visual.

Then Now Change

Neck 16 11 -5

Bicep 15 11 -4 (x2)

Forearm 10 8.5 -1.5 (x2)

Chest 42.5 34 -8.5

Waist 41 28.5 -12.5

Hips 51 34 -17

Thigh 28 19.5 -8.5 (x2)

Calf 16 13 -3 (x2)

That brings us to a grand total of 77 inches! That also comes to nearly an inch a pound. How amazing is that!?? Oh and on a second thought, how did I walk around with an extra 8.5 inches on each thigh??

So today is a day to think about the past and the future...

2011-06-04T08:54:00.000-05:00

It is totally my BIRTHDAY! I know there are a couple of other band"stars" out there who share this day with me and to you I wish a wonderful day to you also!

It being my birthday and less than a week until Bandiversary, I have really spent a lot of time thinking about this past year. On my birthday last year we were on a mini vacation and I was on my pre-op diet. That wasn't a fun trip, but was it worth it??? HELL YES! I would have never thought that I would have been as successful as I have been this year. If you could have told me on my last birthday that next year I would have dropped from a size 20 to a 4, I would have thought you were on crack. I didn't believe that it could happen to me.

It DID happen to me, because I MADE it happen and I am so glad that I did. I feel amazing. I look amazing.
What could be better?

I have realized as I have poked through pictures that I spent too much time fat. I wasted so many of my years making excuses for myself when I should have just taken control. I feel 10 years younger now. It is amazing.

This year also met me with the hardest challenge I have yet to face in my life... the loss of my dear brother. I have been adjusting to life as an only child, but I miss him terribly. His passing has changed more about me than the weight loss. I live life to the fullest everyday now. I do not wait until it is a better situation to do things I want to do. Waiting is not in the cards for me anymore. Life is too short to wait until you have more money, or lose 10 lbs, or the sky is bluer.

The next year will be an adventure for me. We are living life and moving on. The kitchen remodel is going well. We are still waiting on a few cabinets that are ordered to come in before we can move on further. It is looking AWESOME! Maybe, just maybe, I might just want to cook now. I realized that this kitchen was so dysfunctional, that I just didn't want to spend any time in there. I used to love to cook.

Well I have rambled enough now. I am working on my one year post with all kinds of pictures and such. I will get that posted next week!

200 followers!

2011-05-22T08:33:00.001-05:00

What a wonderful morning to wake up and find that the world didn't end, and I have 200 followers! When I started this journey, I didn't figure anyone would care about what I had to say.

I was thinking yesterday as I was posting to Facebook about my husband and my anniversary that I can't believe that I spent so many years big. I posted a picture from our wedding with it. I couldn't help but think how much fun it would have been to search for a dress at this smaller size. Oh well, I won't be doing that again as this was our 4th anniversary after getting remarried after being divorced for 3 years and married for 10 before that. OK that was a mouthful, but if you follow me... I am married to my ex-husband LOL. That "break" as we call it was the best thing ever for us. We never were totally happy in the first 10 years. We can say now that we are totally happy in every way. This is what it was supposed to be. I met my husband when I was 17 years old. We got married the first time when I was 19.

I had a good cry going through the photos to find one to post on Facebook with my status. I really miss my brother. Tell me, does it get any better? The other day I broke down to a full on crying jag in the middle of meeting with a client at WORK! These people must think I am nuts! Let alone this was my first meeting with these clients.

Back to the wedding photo. I am so glad that I don't look like that anymore. Our anniversary yesterday was supposed to consist of working on the kitchen cabinets and such. Unfortunately, we got a call at 7am that one of our boys was sick at Scout Camp and we needed to come and get him. Camp was 3 hours away. We spent our whole day in the car. Oh well, we worked on the cabinets when we got home and I have to say the part that we have finished didn't have cabinets before and I LOVE it. I have room for everything! I will post photos when we get this all finished. I can't wait. I hope that the cabinet maker finishes the few cabinets that we are short before we can work on the island and the other wall soon!

Everyone have a wonderful Sunday. I am going to get off of here and work on some laundry!

Good Friday Morning!

2011-05-20T06:57:00.000-05:00

It has been a week since I have last been here. Lets just say the week has been interesting. First off, my normally great marriage went awry with probably one of the bigger fights we have had in the 18 years we have been together. Lets just say he thought it would be a good idea for my cellphone to take a dip in paint thinner! He said "well I was mad and it was there.." Yeah, Bullshit! Oh well all is on the mend and I have a new phone on the way tomorrow.

Our anniversary is tomorrow and we are going to be really romantic and hang kitchen cabinets. I have been waiting for a new kitchen since we bought this house 6 years ago, and the day has come. It has been a lot of work leading up to this as I got the ingenious idea that getting the cabinets you stain would be a good move. My thought process is that we have hardwood floors throughout the upstairs except the kitchen which is tile. We refinished them 3 summers ago so I know what stain I used so I could get red oak cabinets and stain them the same as the hardwoods and it would pull the whole house together. BIG JOB! I am almost finished with 1/2 of the cabinets. I haven't brought home the rest as they wouldn't fit in my garage. I am exhausted. My poor 15 year old made the mistake and informed me that they learned how to stain in shop class this year. That wasn't the smartest move on his part this week. He has helped though.

On the weightloss front, after a stall for what seemed like forever, I have lost 3 lbs this week! I am not sure what is going on as I haven't changed anything! I am not going to complain though as I really want to get to goal. Only 7lbs to go! I am truly believing that hormones control a lot of this and my body just said it was time to let go again.

I need to be getting everyone up and ready for school. Have a wonderful Friday everyone and here's to hoping that yours is sunny!

Well I get to type again...

2011-05-13T20:37:00.000-05:00

I typed this post yesterday on my ipod and it was lost for some reason so here I go again...

I am holding steady at 135 lbs. Unfortunately this is just 3 lbs away from overweight, so I would really like to lose 10 more lbs to have more of a cushion in the normal range. I don't know if I will get there anytime soon. My mind really hasn't been in the game. I am pretty depressed. I am hoping that soon that will subside a bit. Up until last week I was still driving my brother's truck on a daily basis. That was difficult on me, but we were supposed to sell it and it was in the paper for quite some time. My husbands car was on its last leg, so we finally decided to trade it for him a new to us van. It was very difficult to let it go, but necessary.

My mind just isn't into losing. I probably need another fill, but I have been able to maintain for over a month by eating anything that I wanted. Those food choices probably haven't been the best, but I have maintained with no problem.

I am thinking about talking to my doctor regarding this depression. He gives me a LOT of xanax to deal, but I need something that is longer lasting. I am afraid to take anything though, as what my mom got on she has gained all of the weight that she lost back... FAST. Oh and she felt fit to share with me that she no longer has any interest in sex. (Thanks for that one mom!) I can't deal with those side effects. I guess I will just muddle on and hope for the best.

I want to be able to post more. I really do! I read everyday, just haven't been too inspired to write anything down. I totally do not regret my band in any way! This is the best thing I have ever done with my life. Thanks for listening to my rambling...

Omg

2011-05-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

So I just typed out this whole post on my iPod and it disappeared! Be back later with a real post! Geez

I am in LOVE!

2011-05-04T18:58:00.000-05:00

I was a big soda drinker for many years. Always yellow sodas. I have never been able to stand colas. Diet Mt. Dew was just nasty. What is a girl to do? Well I gave up on soda for over a year. I would have one regular Mello Yello (my preferred) a month as a treat to myself. Imagine my surprise when I went into my local little grocer today and saw this...

I think I was actually jumping for joy in the store! I bought a 20oz and it was WONDERFUL!

Needed.... Ark

2011-04-27T18:46:00.000-05:00

Since Friday we have had 11.5 inches of rain in our rain gauge! The Mississippi River and the Ohio River are both seriously flooded and they converge 60 miles south of me. This is all adding up to a not good situation. My husband hasn't slept through the night in a week as he gets up every couple of hours to make sure the basement is ok. The river that flows through our town in only 5 feet from the bottom of the bridge. Luckily we only have to deal with the storm drains backflowing. I just wish it would stop RAINING!

This better bring some awesome May flowers!

How you see yourself?

2011-04-26T19:00:00.000-05:00

I was watching TV last night. On Entertainment Tonight they were talking about Kate Middleton and her dress size. I have always thought that she was a very beautiful woman and also very thin. They asked some to guess her dress size. They announced that it was a UK size 8 which is a US size 6. I was stunned to say the least I would have guessed a US 2 or something. This leads me to a thought as I am a US size 6 right now. I totally don't see myself as thin.

Does anyone else deal with this? I still feel some days that I am wearing a 20. Or that I am close to that. I wear small tops and 6 bottoms. I have often thought about heading to the children's section to see what I find by way of pants as they used to fit me so well years ago as I am so short. Yet I still feel like I am fat.

I felt totally guilty today and confessed to my best friends at work that I had a Mello Yello today. I hadn't had one in two months, but since I hit 10 lbs to go, I just wanted one. Then I talked to them about how guilty I felt after I drank it because I may "wake up and have all of the weight back!" I am seriously f***ed up. Of course being great like they are they told me one soda wasn't going to put me over the edge and make me gain 70 lbs, then proceeded to give me twizzlers. Aren't they the bestest!? LOL

I guess my question to all is "When did you start to feel your size?"

10 lbs

2011-04-22T12:08:00.000-05:00

10 lbs is all I have to lose. I don't ever think that I have went into any weight loss with just that to lose. It is an amazing feeling. The scale has been tempting me, but I have claimed it today! 10 lbs... WOW!

On the mend!

2011-04-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

I decided to go to the pharmacy and speak to the pharmacist about options that maybe we could give the doctor on what was small and available in adult portions for liquid. He was AWESOME! I explained my situation and he even asked if volume of liquids was a problem. He offered to call my doctor and talk to him about it. I was very happy with that. I now have a liquid antibiotic that the dose is in 2tsp! Oh and it doesn't taste bad at all! BONUS! I am so ready to not be peeing razorblades!

Antibiotics

2011-04-19T06:57:00.001-05:00

So I go to the dr yesterday as I feel as if I am pissing razor blades. You guessed it... UTI. Figures. Anyway, the concern came when I thought of the horse pills associated with most antibiotics. I talked to him about it and he said that he knew of one that would be strong enough on liquid form. Got my scrip and off I went. 11 pharmacies later, no relief. Apparently, no one carries this drug in liquid form. The ones who offered to order it told me 3 days. I am not waiting 3 days (now 4) to get an antibiotic. So my question to you is does anyone know an antibiotic that is either a small pill or is tolerable as a liquid? I want to call the dr back this morning and see what the options are as I can't take the pain anymore! I have had this since Friday!

Wow, has it really been a month?

2011-04-15T08:49:00.001-05:00

I can't believe that I haven't posted in a month! I have been reading but just haven't had the time to sit down and put words on paper so to speak.

Weight is good. Sitting at 136 right now. Still have 11 lbs to goal. I am hoping to get there sometime this summer.

The family and I are working on a garden this year. This is our first try at this as we have so many trees in our yard that the shade is too much for vegetables. We rented a spot at our towns community garden this year to try. The boys are also going to work on their gardening merit badges! Here's to luck with some extra vegetables this year!

Work has been ok. We finally got a new contract ratified this week. We had been working without one since the first of December.

I have just passed 10 months out from surgery. I have enjoyed this experience thoroughly. Over 70 lbs lost! I really wish my brother could see me now! He would be so thrilled. I have been going through a lot of pictures lately to create a book for my 2 year old daughter to go through with pictures so that she doesn't forget his face. I realized while going through these how long I stayed large. I don't see now how I allowed that to happen for so long. Goal WILL come and I WILL get there! What a wondrous feeling!!!

Heather

When is enough enough?

2011-03-15T20:47:00.000-05:00

I think that I have written about this before, but it has been weighing on me a lot lately. No pun intended. When is it time to be done? I have been dealing with people at work stating that I am getting too thin. That sentiment has spilled over to the Courthouse today. I had mention from the Court reporters and a couple of ladies at the Clerk's office. Thing is I have 13 lbs to go to ultimate goal. I am still overweight for 2 more lbs. I am getting a little worried as I am now in a size 6 and 13 more lbs would definitely put me in a size 4. How accessible is a size 4 to purchase? I don't want to be in the same predicament that I was in as a large woman with not being able to find clothing that would fit. I am in size small pajamas. Will I have to go to the kids section? Remember the Dora Panty post? This all being said, my stomach is still fat. I still have a good size roll that I can grab on to. My thighs look like a butt. I can't afford plastics. If I lose the 13 lbs, will it come off my stomach or maybe my butt thighs? I guess I am a little confused about where this journey ends. I don't know if I could stop losing at this point if I decided not to, but it takes some thought. Here are some progress pics. 9 months - 69 lbs down

Ok I totally look special ed in this photo, but it shows my stomach without showing too much other stuff...

Question for all...

2011-03-12T08:17:00.000-06:00

So I have a question... I changed my profile pic to a full body shot because damn, I am in love with my new body. Problem arises that when I comment on someone's blog, I end up looking like the headless horseman! How do I prevent this? I am also wanting to find some time to jazz up my blog some. It will take me forever though. My question with this one is how do you add multiple pages? I would love to add some pics! Thanks everyone!

So I am back, but not being a good blogger...

2011-03-09T14:19:00.001-06:00

I am back home from visiting mom. I have to say I had a great time! Life has been so hectic since I returned as I got home late on Monday evening (plane was seriously delayed in Phoenix) and went to work at 8am on Tuesday. I have mounds of laundry as my husband justified his lack of laundry skills by saying it was impossible to do laundry as we didn't have detergent in the house. I asked him if they closed the wal-mart while I was gone and didn't get a response. My husband did however survive the 8 days with the 3 kids. I am impressed with that. Weight loss has been great and I lost some weight during my trip which is absolutely awesome as my mother seemed to not understand the concept of me not being able to eat much. She also didn't understand that bread does not agree with me. I even tried to go for the crusty part of a roll to shut her up and she took it and said you can have the soft (sticky) middle! OMG she totally didn't get it. I survived eating with her with only 2 stuck episodes. I haven't gotten stuck since so it was total operator error, but still... I don't think that I have ever been on a vacation and came back lighter than when I left. That is amazing. Do you know what else is amazing? I am 15 (YES 15) pounds from my goal! I can't even imagine life there.

So check me out in my size 6 Lucky capris!!!!!

I can't believe that I can fit in a size 6! I am still officially overweight by Mr. BMI (it has to be a man) for a couple more pounds, but a size 6!? I am impressed with myself after 3 kids.

So mom and I went to Las Vegas on a whim during my trip to visit her. Here we are right after our helicoptor ride to the Grand Canyon.


I gave mom that outfit. I am so glad that I can't wear it anymore!

Right before I left on my trip my youngest son crossed over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. It was a wonderful evening. Here is a pic of my boys, and yes the older one is that tall! I am not sure where he got it... I am 5'2"!


Who can forget the princess!

I am still trying to catch up on reading everyone's posts from when I was gone. If my commenting is a little light, I am just really behind. I am working to get caught up on everyone's goings on. I WILL get caught up! Just call me the behind blogger. OK don't that sounds a bit strange...

Having a wonderful time!

2011-03-03T10:50:00.000-06:00

Mom and I are having a wonderful time on our visit. She did not know I was coming until Dad pulled up at the airport and told her to go in and find me! She was ecstatic! We have had great fun. On Monday and Tuesday we drove to Las Vegas and spent some time. I am not a gambler, so I found other things to occupy my time. Mom is a gambler so we did spend a fair amount of time in the casinos. I hadn't been to Las Vegas before so it was an experience. We are back at her RV now. She lives in the mountains about an hour from San Diego. I surely didn't think Southern California would look like this!

I am here until Monday then it is back to reality. Amazingly, I think that my husband is surviving with the kids. Have a wonderful week. I just paid my money for the Spring Challenge. I am ready to get the rest of this weight off!

About to head off to Sunny San Diego!

2011-02-24T07:00:00.001-06:00

And mom still doesn't know! I am so proud of myself for being able to keep this secret from her. I have talked to dad several times and he seems excited about it too. He is really excited that mom doesn't know. I leave on Sunday and will be back on Monday a week later. My dad is only off work on Sundays so if I am to spend any time with him I have to stay that extra Sunday. I am really excited. I know that this trip is going to be emotionally draining, but I think it will be an integral part of the healing process for all of us.

I hope that I can get my mom out of the house and walking and such. She really needs the air, to meet people and I will go insane if I don't get my exercise. I am still on a downward trek and am 1 pound away from a new decade. I will be so excited to see that one. I was putting some stuff away the other day and came across some of my medical records that I had when I got my insurance approval. I officially weigh less than when I had my gall bladder surgery in 2001! I was a skinny mini then. That started my upward trek. A 10 year odyssey! I am so glad to be there. I still want to lose about 15 more pounds. I will get there, it just will take time... Maybe the Spring Challenge will get me going! I need some motivation!

ABC's of me!

2011-02-21T15:55:00.000-06:00

I love these little survey's. Since so many were posted today, I guessed I should join in!

(A) Age: 35
(B) Bed Size: King
(C) Chore You Hate: Emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, anything that has to do with dishes
(D) Dogs? none... cat person actually
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Coffee
(F) Favorite Color: Green
(G) Gold or Silver? Silver
(H) Height: 5'2"
(I) Instruments You Play: none
(J) Job Title: Probation Officer
(K) Kids: 3 boys (stepson 19, 15, 10) 1 girl (2)
(L) Live: Southern Illinois
(M) Mom's Name: Debbie
(N) Nicknames: Honey
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Kidney infection while pregnant with my first, and then with each of my 3 babies.
(P) Pet Peeve: Stupid people
(Q) Quote from a Movie: hmmm... have to think about that one
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right
(S) Siblings: 1 brother who passed away this year at age 30
(T) Time You Wake Up? 6am
(U) Underwear: Hanes Hipsters
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Cooked Carrots
(W) What Makes You Run Late: I have 3 kids at home, any questions?
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: teeth, kidneys
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Chicken strips with Panko crumbs. The kids won't eat fried Chicken strips anymore, they prefer these!
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Penguins

What is Normal?

2011-02-19T07:47:00.000-06:00

As I approach "normal" on the BMI scale, I wonder what is "normal?" I am not ready to stop losing yet. I have a goal in 17 lbs. I just wonder what the societal definition of normal is. I have talked about work before and how we all have worked together (14 of us) for 7 years. We know everything there is to know about each other and can tell by a look what mood the other is in. The guys in the office LOVE that we have the same cycle too. After spending the past 7 years with these people, no one thinks twice about telling you that you have a pimple or a nose hair sticking out. Sickly there are some that say... let me take care of that! Back to my story. The people at work are telling me that I am getting too thin. I still have a serious stomach on me and my thighs still look like a butt, but they are telling me that I am getting to thin. I think and think that maybe they are right, but I don't want to stop. I don't hit "normal" BMI for another 6 lbs.

I don't remember if I talked about the problem that I came across a couple of weeks ago with underwear. (Not the husband problem) I am 5'2" and am very small boned. At my largest, I still wore a size 6 ring (I am working on a 4.5 now). My mother would order me bracelets in children's sizes and I was morbidly obese. As I lose, I am definitely getting smaller. So I went to buy new underwear again and looking at sizing, I bought the smallest size on the shelf. They fit really well. So I got thinking that if I lose 20 more pounds, that would definitely be another underwear size. What am I to do, I have bought the smallest size they carry at Walmart. The ladies at work suggested Dora panties, but they are just bitches anyway. LOL Seriously, am I going to have to resort to Dora panties??????

Date night tonight!

2011-02-18T07:02:00.001-06:00

So my Valentine's gift from my husband was a date tonight. We haven't been on a date since my daughter was born in November 2008. Babysitting has been an issue for us and we no longer have any family in the area. My husband has arranged all of this himself. I am excited.

I went on Wednesday and got my fill back that I had taken out in January. I have calmed down a bit and started eating... and eating... and eating! Finally, after I ate everything in my desk at work one day, I called my surgeon's office and they got me in 2 days later! Thank goodness. I am not having the trouble with this fill level like I was last time.

I am having issue with something though and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I may be falling into a depression. I haven't had the desire or energy to spend any "quality time" with the hubby lately. I spend most of my time sitting in a chair where a month ago, I would have been exercising. I don't know what is up with me. I have been avoiding talking to my mother too much as I am afraid I will slip and tell her I am coming to visit next weekend, but I don't think that is it. I just feel down. Maybe a stage through this process? I do have a question for you all though. I want to buy my mother a grief book to take her when I go out to visit next weekend. Any suggestions? I have her some other things too, but this she really needs. Well time is up for my computer time this morning. I need to go and get ready for work. Juvenile Delinquents will be waiting today!!! No school so I am BUSY! Have a great one!

So I was cleaning...

2011-02-14T12:26:00.000-06:00

I was cleaning out some drawers this weekend and came across some other drawers. OMG! Those "other" drawers scared me! I have had a picture post in my mind for a couple of days, but haven't found all of my equipment and my parents also came in from California for a quick visit this weekend. Anyway, I will get to that one soon.

Back to the drawers... I found what I thought were all gone... a pair of my "before" panties. OK well really granny bloomers, but we will just call them panties. I showed my husband and he said "oh that isn't bad, can't you still wear them?" I then proceeded to lay them on the bed and put a pair I wear now on top. The result was this...

Why are men such visual creatures? The post in my mind is coming soon! As soon as I find my "equipment"...

8 months ago...

2011-02-08T18:51:00.000-06:00

8 months ago today, I was scared to death waiting to go in for surgery the next day. I also took the time to take some photos. I am so glad I did! This odyssey that I have been on has had ups, downs, lefts, and rights, but I never want to go back to the place that I was when I took these photos. Please excuse the size difference... I totally look like I also shrunk a couple of feet too! I guess I moved the camera further back this time. Enjoy!

I truly am a mini me! I can't imagine being that big!

Going to be traveling soon!

2011-02-03T21:04:00.000-06:00

So I have come to the conclusion that mom isn't doing too well. She just isn't right. Dad has mentioned to her that she needs to go to grief counseling. She won't have anything to do with it. I think that he is right. Anyway, she is miserable. I understand that she lost her son, but she is going a bit overboard. She has days where she doesn't get out of bed, nights that she doesn't sleep, and just all around funk. I think of the family that Maria mentioned where the son was killed in a sledding accident at age 8 and how that mother is going to handle all of this.

My mother's situation is a little strange in the fact that my parents live in a RV. My father works as a project engineer for a company. When my brother passed away, they were in the process of finishing a project in Austin and moving to San Diego. They came home (Illinois) from Austin for arrangements and never returned. Their RV was transported to San Diego and met them there. So my father is starting a new project working 6 days a week and my mother is living in 800 sq ft. alone in a new place where she doesn't know anyone. Normally this isn't an issue, but with fresh grief it is not going well.

So I have decided that I am going on a surprise visit at the end of the month! I talked to my dad today and he loved the idea and suggested that I spend my brother's birthday because he thinks that will be a difficult day. I am planning on flying in on a Sunday afternoon (my dads only day off). She will only know when they come to the airport to get me! I will spend the week with her and then come home. My husband has been gracious enough to even suggest that the 2 year old stay home! AWESOME!

Any suggestions on helping her through this?

Looking back...

2011-01-31T19:43:00.001-06:00

We got a call today from the pathologist who did my brother's autopsy. He stated that even though we had the death certificate that stated that he died from Pulmonary Edemic Congestion, he had more information to give us now that all of the toxicology was back. I called it back in December... Obstructive Sleep Apnea caused the congestive heart failure. He said that the congestive heart failure was not something that he dealt with for any time. He just stopped breathing due to the sleep apnea and that caused his lungs to fill with fluid. A silent thief in the night. He was not dealing with other serious health conditions that we were speculating over the past week since receiving the death certificate.

I was looking on the internet during the call and came across this paragraph during my search. It all makes sense now. "People with sleep apnea syndrome have a higher risk of death than the normal population. The price they pay includes a potentially crippling deterioration in daily functioning, an increased risk of high blood pressure and stroke, depression, and death either in accidents or in their sleep. There are terrible costs for the family of the person with sleep apnea syndrome, who may experience irritability, mood changes, lowered sexual drive and capacity, and a reduction of intellectual ability. In addition there are major business, insurance, health, and social costs including the loss of productivity, the impact of accidents caused by a driver or worker falling asleep, and the wasted health care dollars spent on alleviating symptoms like heart disease without treating their possible underlying cause."

I mention this for those who are awaiting insurance approval, or contemplating a band to deal with this condition. Please don't take sleep apnea lightly!

Here is the article: http://www.healthyresources.com/sleep/apnea/articles/protect.html A lot of the things mentioned in this article make a lot of sense looking back. If I can say one thing that gives me peace, it would be a thankfulness that this only took him. I say that because 2 weeks after his death, he was set to start over the road truck driving classes with a guaranteed employment. He had been looking for a job for a long time. We just thought he was really lazy. I thank the Lord for not allowing him to take this condition over the road and possibly take someone with him. My brother was a very caring and loving man, it would have broken him if something had happened in a big rig and he took someones life.

I love you Bill. I always will miss you, but I feel so much better knowing that you weren't keeping any problems you were having from me. I feel fortunate to have been your sister. I wish my kids would have been able to spent more time with you, but as the article suggests... sleep apnea is a thief in the night. I'm sorry we suggested you were lazy.

This is the last picture that we have together. It was taken about a month before he left us.

I have had a wonderful week. Let's hope more are to come!

2011-01-30T18:09:00.000-06:00

This week has been wonderful. Weight loss has begun again and I am feeling great! From the comments that I got on my last post, I was really surprised that so many of you haven't heard of The Firm. I have been working out (not consistently of course otherwise I wouldn't have had a weight problem) with this group of DVD's or VHS back in the day since the 80s. Check out www.firmdirect.com to see what all the hype is! I have ordered the Firm express and am waiting for it to come in the mail. I am hoping that this gives me the extra push for the last 20 pounds! I already have the Total Transfirmation system. The weights really make a difference! Seems like I get more toned, and more muscle means more calories burned resting. That is always a good thing!

I am finding it hard to comprehend that I am 20 lbs from my goal. I can't even imagine what it will be like to get there. I totally am in love with my lap band.

Life is good.

2011-01-26T06:36:00.001-06:00

My slight unfill is still doing me good. I love being able to eat without fear of a PB. I have still lost a lb so things are moving in the right direction.

I have been looking at a new workout program and wanted to see if anyone has tried it yet. I have always found my way back to The Firm each time I am serious about losing weight. This dates back to high school when I was thin and just wanted the edge. If anyone is familiar with the 80's firm (Susan Harris), they will understand wanting to get into the high cut leotards and look good. Oh and my weights were never as pretty as theirs. Back on subject, The Firm has released a new 12 week cycle training program called the The Firm express. It looks really interesting. This company has been around for over 25 years so I trust when they have something new. I just wondered if anyone has tried it. I think that I will order it next week.

The world is going well. I have been so busy at work. I have so many files out of the drawer, I wonder if I will ever get caught up. It seems that whenever I schedule a block of time to work on the files, something goes wrong. The other day, I had to have a kid arrested for burglarizing the school and urinating on his teachers desk. What is wrong with kids these days? Anyway that took most of the day that day, then I had to be in Court with him yesterday. So that blew two big blocks of time. I am out doing home visits all day today so hopefully I can work on that stuff tomorrow. All of the mess is closing in on me. Like I am claustrophobic in there. Here's to he phone not ringing!!!

Anyway, I need to get ready for my day. Everyone in blogland have a wonderful day too!

Another blog award!

2011-01-23T08:17:00.000-06:00

Thank you to The Cable-Tied Dragonfly for this award! I have always loved that name. You'll see why in a minute.

The rules of this award are to tell 7 things about yourself then thank the blogger who gave it to you. You need to pass the award on to other deserving bloggers.

Ok 7 things about me...

1. Like I said in the beginning, I have always loved the name of the Cable-Tied dragonfly. This is because I have this fascination with cable ties. I fix lots of things with them, and even have them in my desk at work. This was very helpful on one occasion when I fixed the office toilet with one. That fix is still in use over a year later! When people ask me to describe my band I tell them that it is like a cable tie on the top of my stomach. Anyone who knows me really well just laughs a bit at the irony.

2. I am not an over motherly person. I hate this about myself, but can't seem to change it. Thank goodness my husband picks up the slack. I couldn't imagine wanting to me a stay at home mom. That unfortunately is my version of hell.

3. I am addicted to sets. I obsess over things if there are more pieces of a set that I don't have. It is a sick habit especially because I don't need most of the things. It was really bad with baby things. I would worry if I didn't have everything that matched. I mean EVERYTHING that was made to match. Very expensive.

4. My husband and I have been married twice. We took a 3 year break from our marriage. We are much better off this time. We were married for 9.5 years the first time and 3.5 this time.

5. I am going to be a grandma this year. I insist that I must be called MiMi as I am 35 and still not sure I can deal with the grandma thing. I am excited and scared for my step-son though. He has no clue what he is getting into!

6. I don't think I was was ever happy in my life until recently. I feel like I missed so many years! I finally have been able to accept all that life has given me and use it all to my best advantage! This is a wonderful feeling.

7. Teenage boys are GROSS! Just a thought, not so much about me but my 15 yo son never ceases to amaze me in this aspect.

On to the nominations.

Manda Panda
Jacquie
Stephanie
Dawnya
Christine

Thanks again to The Cable-Tied Dragonfly for this honor! It always amazes me that my ramblings actually help some people.

Award and some other major news!

2011-01-21T19:05:00.000-06:00

Thank you, Lisa for the award! You are so sweet!

Okay, here's the deal. I have to list five guilty pleasures and then nominate three fabulous and sweet bloggers I know and love!

As you all know, I am a mom so time for guilty pleasures is few and far between.

1) I absolutely love bubble baths. When we remodeled our bathroom we put in a wider soaker bathtub (sick if you really think about the skewed sense of reality there). I totally love to fill it up with water, light candles, and just soak in the hot water! It is even better when fingers aren't sticking under the door!

2) I love to get up early in the morning and drink my coffee and just relax. I get up at least 1.5 hours before anyone else in the house. This is my time. It is quiet and I totally enjoy it!

3) My husband and I love to remodel in our house. We enjoy making everything our own. My husband is amazing with his woodworking and I do the drywall and painting!

4) I make hairbows. My daughter has so many bows we never know where to put them all. When the new season is upon us, I bring out all of her clothes and make 3 matching bows for each outfit (1 large bow and 2 smaller ones for pigtails). Have to have options you know! LOL

5) I totally enjoy laundry! I love to smell the clean clothing. I love to iron. I am a sick woman!

For my nominations I am choosing in no particular order...

1) Ginger who announced her wonderful new job today!
2) Angela who has been having some issues with her band. Hopefully all will work out ok.
3) Kristen who's wonderful and has been taking care of her fiance who was banded recently

On to my other news, we finally found out what took my brother today. I feel peace now that I know for sure what it was. The autopsy revealed that he died from congestive heart failure. This is definitely not something that should take a 30 year old man. It was determined that this was not something that he had been fighting for any time and that it just happened very very quickly. They also believe that his weight was a contributing factor. I am so glad that I have my band and have made a positive step toward independence from my weight!
.

Unfill

2011-01-20T07:01:00.000-06:00

Well I finally made it in to my surgeons office. I told him what was going on with the tightness and he asks why I didn't come in sooner! Well why is simple... I haven't had the time. He is only in the office that is one hour away from me one day every other week. Mix that in with the holidays and my current family situation and yeah right that is happening! Anyway, back to my conversation with him. He was very interested in my tightness that was brought on by stress. I told him that we made it through the beginning when my band slammed shut by my PCP prescribing Xanax. It seemed to calm me down enough to open up my band so that I could eat. My surgeon was amazed by this as he said he never thought of it! Interesting as he has been doing this for quite some time. Well I can't stay on Xanax forever so some unfill was in order. My surgeon still thought that maybe I was eating too fast or something. HELLO>>> I AM TELLING YOU THAT I AM SERIOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND NEED RELIEF NOW AND HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR MORE THAN AN MONTH... DO YOU THINK THAT I HAVEN'T TRIED THAT!?? I had a fill just days before my brother passed so my thought is that I just never got adjusted to it.

Anyway he finally tells me that he will take out the fill that he put in last time. 1.0 cc. OK, good. Now I am wondering... What is the green zone? Does anyone really know what it feels like? Maybe I was there and the last fill put me over the edge? I have 6.5 cc now.

My surgeon didn't make me another appointment. He told me to call when I felt I needed a fill. Great! Then he says something that really gets me. He said that where I am on weight now 145 lbs is where most people my height would stop and say that they are fine. I am not fine. I need to lose 20 more lbs to not be overweight anymore. He said that I have surpassed all weightloss goals in the 7 months since I have had my band. He said that I would still lose, but just that this is where most of his patients are comfortable. NOT ME! So I guess I call when I need a fill and go on with my life. I hope that this exercise bug remains!!!!!!

So on the way home, I hadn't eaten anything all day and it was now 2pm. I had a protein shake for breakfast. I am getting a little hungry. I think of what in the world I could eat and drive. Nothing came to mind, so I went to McDonalds (I know, I know). I was going to get a snack size mcflurry as I could go slow and possibly make it home without PB. Anyway I get to the order and something makes me change my mind. I order a McDouble with the bun... I slowly eat half of it. I am full, but no PB. Does this mean that I could possibly eat somewhat like a normal human? I only eat the half. I take that as a victory. And I am reminded that McD is nasty... Oh well it was an experiment anyway. I hope I am not too loose!

On other news, My husband received the District Award of Merit from the Boys Scouts last night. It was a wonderful evening. Food was served and I wasn't scared of PBing after this afternoons adventures. That was an awesome feeling because I haven't been able to eat in public for a while. Served to us was fried chicken, mashed potatoes with white gravy, corn, and rolls. OMG carb city! I ate very little without pain and was satisfied. Maybe this is the green zone and I didn't know it last time?

Crazy times!

2011-01-17T21:19:00.000-06:00

I always feel that the holidays drag on on and on in our house. One of my sons has a birthday on January 9 and my husband's birthday is January 19. I usually can't relax until then. We went ahead and had my husband's birthday today as we were both off work and we will be quite busy the rest of the week. On Wednesday, his actual birthday we are going to an awards dinner in which (he doesn't know this yet, but he also doesn't know where to find my blog) he will be receiving the District Award of Merit for our district in the Boy Scouts. It has been an adventure getting him to actually even go to the ceremony. The commitee and I have been working on it for over a month! He didn't want to go as it was on his birthday. It has taken a lot of super secret stuff, but he said he would go because it is our last year in Cubs. Wow it is so weird to say that. We have had a boy in Cub Scouts for the past 13 years! Next month we will be crossing the youngest boy to Boy Scouts just as soon as he receives his Arrow of Light award.

Today, my husband and I went out to check on several of his geocaches that he has out in the area. It was a nice day for a drive. We only found one that we had to replace, so all is good. If you are not familiar with geocaching check out www.geocaching.com it is like a scavenger hunt with GPS. We have been doing this for a couple of years and when we go on vacation we often map our route to find a couple of caches along the way. It is really neat to get off at an exit on the interstate you would have never gotten off of before to find a cache and see what is really there! Check it out!

Well I guess I can't complain, but I have caught the exercise bug! My husband bought me the Biggest Loser for Wii. I love it! I think that motivator is that the game is disappointed in you if you don't exercise on a day when you are supposed to. So I do that exercise program so the game doesn't yell at me. When I finish that workout is when the magic happens. I want to do more! I will dance with Just Dance for an hour or I have been doing a circuit training DVD for an hour. The scale hasn't reflected much yet, but I think it is the muscle exchange. I am hoping for scale movement soon. It kinda stopped after my freefall in December. I am however down a lot since my last fill! I go back to the doctor on Wednesday.

Sorry about my rambling on and on. My head is still a little full from the sinus junk I have had going on all weekend.

Wow, I feel like I have been gone forever...

2011-01-11T16:57:00.001-06:00

I am still here. I am reading and commenting a lot more than I was so I am making progress. We still do not know the outcome of the autopsy. I feel like it has been so long (a month already), that when we do get the results it will be like he has just passed all over again. I feel like he is just gone, like in the Marines again gone. I don't know if it just hasn't completely hit me yet or what. I really missed him at my son's 15th birthday party on Sunday. It was almost like there was an empty chair. My parents are in California for the time being and my brother was all the family that we had in the area. I feel awfully alone.

My husband has still been absolutely amazing. This sounds awful, but this event has drawn us much closer together. We depend on each other so much more now. My husband is not one to express himself directly, but he put the nicest memorial on my brother's facebook page. I knew that they had been close, but I didn't realize how much so until I read his words.

On a happier note, I bought a goal outfit!!!! I will fit in it someday! It is a size 6. We are going to Hawaii in November. I am in a 10 now, with some 8's starting to fit. I really hope to be at goal by November. I have 23 lbs to go!

This is NOT ME! Just the dress. I really wish it was me...

I'm back!

2011-01-05T06:57:00.001-06:00

The holidays are over. Everyone in my house is back to work and school. YEAH! I am so glad. My house will stay cleaner. Food will stay in the refridgerator for more than an hour (teenage and pre-teen boys). Work for me is starting off with a bang. I have been really busy which I love. We have had Judge rotations though and I am not sure that I am happy with the juvenile choice for the year. We will see how that goes. It takes a bit to get into the groove when someone comes to Juvenile, but this one scares me and I am one of the good guys in the room!

Life is slowly making its way back to just life. Scouts started back up this week which means my husband will be gone 3 nights this week. I enjoy that time though. After he was home for most of the month of Dec. I enjoy a little time to myself to exercise and such. He got me the Biggest Loser for Wii and I have been doing that this week. It is pretty good. The only big problem I have is that my workout pants don't have pockets so I have nowhere to put the remote for some of the exercises. I end up sticking it in the waistband and it doesn't stay or register well. Any suggestions? Also last night it was a sight at our house. My 15 year old son got Just Dance 2 from my mother for Christmas. He wasn't amused. I asked him to bring it up last night to play with me after his workout. He didn't want to at first, but after about 1/2 hour of just moving his arm he started competing with me. It was quite a sight. I will have to see if my husband really did tape us with the flip or not. I know that he get it out of my purse. Of course after the initial laugh by my husband, he and my younger son joined in! All 4 of us in the living room dancing our asses off! How great is that!? I also can't wait to use my flip soon for my first vlog! I haven't done one of those yet. Maybe I will work on that this weekend. Everyone have a wonderful day! It is mid week so we are on the downward stretch!

New year, new life

2010-12-31T13:46:00.000-06:00

I start 2011 much unlike 2010. I am not making a new year's resolution to lose weight. This is the first year in decades that I am not doing that. Yes I am still overweight for about 15 more lbs, but I know that I can obtain what I am wanting weightwise in this year without having to change anything that I am doing now. That is a powerful feeling!

I also start 2011 without my really good friend, my brother. I have been really silent in the blogging world lately as I have been having a really difficult time dealing with his loss. The holidays haven't helped, I guess. I went today to pick up his truck. It was difficult to drive it home as it smelled like him. I now have to clean it and sell it. That is going to be a very difficult time for me. I guess it still doesn't feel real because we still don't know what happened. It may be another month before we get the results of the autopsy and they won't tell us anything until toxicology comes back.

I also start 2011 sixty pounds lighter than 2010. That is a major accomplishment. I feel so much lighter! I have energy and don't require as much sleep. I can get up off the floor after playing with my kids without pain. I look to 2011 to be my time to heal!

60!

2010-12-26T18:49:00.000-06:00

Wow! I didn't think that I would make it! Today I am claiming 60 lbs gone forever. I actually hit the number a week ago, but with the holiday week I didn't want to claim it yet. I have kept it off and I am also glad to report that my weight free fall has let up. Thank god I can eat again! With the insurance change I have been going through, I am not approved for another appointment until January 19. If I was needing an unfill it was going to get really crazy!

The holiday was rough. The family made it through ok. I got really sad as I put up the tree and decorations today as when I bring them out again, Bill will have been gone a year. That was probably the roughest thing I have encountered yet. My parents left this morning. They have been in town since right after my brother passed. They are on a 4 day drive to their new home (parking spot) in California. They may actually pass up their house on the way! My parent live in an RV. My father works as an engineer for a company in which he travels the country for projects. Their home was already supposed to be in California, but something went wrong with the freight company and with the holiday, it was just picked up today in Austin, TX. I am in great hopes that my mother doesn't fall into a depression in a new place where she doesn't know anyone and dealing with the great grief.

Christmas involved a lot of tears, but I think that we held it together well for the kids. They had a wonderful holiday and I managed to surprise each of them with their gifts. It is really neat to see the differences in Christmas in kids close up with the age range of my kids. At home we have two boys 15 (in 2 weeks), and 10. One girl age 2. We also have an older boy (my stepson since he was 2) who is 19. He got engaged this Christmas. I really like the girl. I wish him the best.

Holiday Challenge

2010-12-21T12:35:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that I won! I didn't even think that I was in the running at all. I have to give this one to my brother. He totally made that happen. I have lost 11 lbs since he died. I totally haven't resorted to food to soothe my sorrows. That is another victory in itself!

I got the email from Kristen and didn't believe her. Thank you all for all of your support in everything. I am still shocked. I do have to take a bit to figure out where I want the gift card from as that thought hadn't crossed my mind at all! Congratulations to all of the participants. I can't believe that we lost almost 400 lbs!

Feeling Better

2010-12-19T08:39:00.000-06:00

I am feeling better today. I almost feel like life is back to some form of normal. I know it won't ever be the same. I am going to make cookies with my 10 year old today. I had promised him that we would make them last weekend before our tragedy struck. I need to spend some time with him.

I go back to work full time tomorrow. I have a busy day so that will keep my mind busy.

I weighed in for the challenge today. I lost 15.6 lbs over the term of the challenge. I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I don't eat my way through stress anymore. It is the exact opposite. My husband is now calling it the anorexia diet. It is far from that! I have been having more protein shakes as my band is really tight right now. I had chili for lunch yesterday along with some cucumbers and dip. For dinner, I had 4 shrimp in scampi sauce. He just doesn't understand band portions. I have lost a bunch of weight in the past week and a half. It is so strange to me. I actually cussed my brother while I stood on the scale yesterday. I thanked him for the loss, but told him he could have totally come up with a better way to help me. (a little more colorful words were chosen at my house) I am totally disinterested in food. I don't remember to eat. It is very different from how I handled stress in the past. My mother on the other hand has had her hand in the chocolate bowl constantly for the past week and a half! So glad I am no longer in that position!

I finally finished my Christmas shopping last night. I was beginning to think that I was going to be one of those idiots out on Christmas eve! (No offense if you like that sort of thing) I am so glad to be finished. I only have to wrap what I picked up today, so that won't take long and everything is in a nice square box! Gotta take the small victories where you can find them!

Dreading Christmas

2010-12-16T21:36:00.001-06:00

I am completely dreading Christmas this year. I am making it through for my children. Trying to show them some normalcy. I go back to work tomorrow. I am hoping that some routine in my life will help me deal. I guess I just wish we knew why. We won't have results from the autopsy for 6-8 weeks. I am having the most problem with the fact that people don't just not wake up at age 30 that often. The funeral director thinks that he may have been gone for a day or two before he was found. We found his phone and I was fortunate enough to be the last call that was answered. We had a great conversation, and I feel blessed by that. My mother texted with him later that day. I am so sorry that I am rambling today. I feel like the past week has been a blur. My parents are staying until after Christmas, then they start driving out to California for their next project. I am going to miss them. I am also going to miss having family here. I only had the one sibling. We were close and he was the only family I had in the area. It is going to be so different not having him here. I am getting worried about my husband. He seems to be dropping into a depression. He was also very close to my brother. My husband is not close to his family, he always said that he preferred to hang out with mine. I can't complain about that at all!

I have to say that when I did the photo dvd for the funeral, I couldn't find a photo where I wasn't fat as an adult. I was very proud to be wearing a size 12 dress that evening (probably could have worn a 10, but they didn't have one)! Oh and I did my measurements today... I have lost 50.5 inches! 12 inches of that came from my hips! Thank you Lap-Band!

Thank you!

2010-12-14T18:12:00.000-06:00

I have been absolutely astounded by the outpouring of love and condolences that I have received from my blogger family! Thank you so much. I have appreciated every word.

My family and I have been working through the pain. Rather than a funeral we had a celebration of his life! There were a lot of laughs and not so many tears. Of course, I have had my share of tears. My husband who has had a hard time showing his emotions sometimes has been absolutely amazing. He hasn't left my side.

I think that things will be up and down for a bit. Especially, since my brother was the only member of my family who lived near me.

On another note, although this isn't the best way for this to happen, I have lost 5 lbs this week! I really didn't think that I would make it to my holiday goal of 150. I had given up on that. I am sitting now at 153 so it is really possible!

I can't even muster a catchy title

2010-12-10T05:39:00.000-06:00

I posted yesterday about my 6 month bandiversary and how much better I felt. I look good, I felt good, all was going well for me. About an hour or two after that post, my world came to a crashing halt. Please bear with me as I type this out.

I was very tired yesterday morning. I went to work because I had a client coming in and I hate to cancel. After a long conversation with my mother on the phone it was decided that I would leave work at 10am to go home and get some rest. She did however ask me to stop by my brother's house as he hadn't called her back. This happened often, she is just overbearing sometimes. I left work and drove to my brothers. When I arrived I knew there was a problem. At that moment my phone rang again, my mother, my brother was dead. The police were already there as my cousin who was his roommate had found him this morning. I just happened upon the scene. Heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe my feelings right now. He was 30. They are saying that he died in his sleep. Possibly sleep-apnea. Autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow.

This does however give me another fight at obesity. My brother was 5'9 and probably weighed 325-350. He battled his weight all of his adult life. He was watching me very closely and wanted to look into the band when he got a job with health insurance. He had battled depression brought on my many things. His weight was one of them. He was not married and did not have children. That upset him too. I will miss my only sibling greatly, but I totally understand now that obesity is nothing to mess around with.

Sunday I found out I am going to be a grandma. Wednesday, my mother in law had a mild heart attack, and how this. My parents are on the long drive home. My husband has been better than I could have ever imagined in helping me cope. If I disappear for a little while you will understand why. I may however need to type out some feelings. If that is the case, please bear with me...

RIP Bill, I love you.

This day

2010-12-09T06:46:00.000-06:00

This day marks 6 months since I changed my life in a momentous way. 6 months ago I received my lap band and it has given me more than I could have ever imagined. I have lost 40 lbs since I began my pre-op diet. I have lost 52 total with the insurance diet. I feel like a new person. Granted, I still have a ways to go but I have the knowledge that I WILL get to where I want to. This was definately the best decision of my life. Here are some comparison shots. I took them into work yesterday and showed them to my bff. Her comment was "you never were that big!" Yes I was!

Disappearances

2010-12-08T06:49:00.000-06:00

I have been scarce the past few days for good reason. My husband and I have been dealing with the realization that we are getting old! I will just add a quick post update to announce that I am going to be a GRANDMA! AT 35! WTF!? I am still about to fall over. My stepson is 19. I have been his other mommy since he was 2 so he is practically mine. They are due in July. I am happy for him. I told my husband who was having real trouble with the news that Jacob is older than now than he was when Jacob was born.

So does anybody have any good experience advise for being a young grandma. Like calling something other than grandma? I will however make sure that I am a sexy one!!!

The ULTIMATE F word!

2010-12-02T06:05:00.000-06:00

I absolutely loved this balloon when I saw it. I have been flirting with 50 lbs lost for awhile. I got a small .5 fill on Monday and here it is! Oh what a wonderful day! My trip for the fill on Monday was an adventure in itself. In a previous post I talked about my insurance woes and to change my appointment that had been set for yesterday I had to drive 4 hours one way for fill appointment. I am so glad that I made that drive in the pouring rain and all.

My insurance mess seems to be working itself out in a way that is better than I could have ever imagined. Lets hope the plan holds (my union is involved as this situation isn't the best for everyone), because this is almost too good to be true in my personal situation! They are giving me the deal that if I decline health insurance at my employer and make hubbys primary they will set up a medical reimbursement program for my family that will pay all of our copays and prescriptions! All for $24 a YEAR! I really hope that this holds. I am also thanking the good Lord that I was able to get my surgery this year with both insurances. I have my 6 month bandiversary in a couple of days. With hitting 50 lbs I think that I will put some pictures up for that one that I have been holding out on.

What I am Thankful for...

2010-11-24T06:48:00.000-06:00

With Thanksgiving in the States upon us tomorrow, it is time to think about what we are thankful for. I want to start firstly and say that I am thankful for my family. Those of you that have read my whole blog would notice that my husband and I have been married twice. Today marks 7 years from our divorce. It is almost surreal to look back at that day and realize what I have now! I am thankful that we both had the guts to grow up and realize that we found that person that we were supposed to be with for the rest of our lives when we were 18 and 20. I am thankful that we both remained open to the idea of giving it another go. It is so much better this time around!!

I am thankful that I have 3 healthy children. I know so many who deal with illness in their family. Though they deal with it with dignity and strength, I know it must be difficult. I am also thankful for my health which I have regained control of this year.

This past weekend, my husband I went to spread the ashes of a really good friend who lost his life unexpectedly earlier this year. A lot of emotions were involved in that day. His family chose not to be involved. I am thankful that my family would have been there without question had it been me.

Even though it has been a trying week at work, I am thankful that I am able to have a job. So many don't right now. My husband has to take a furlough day today, but at least on Monday he has a job to go back to. The management at my job is toying with our insurance. I will have to drive 4.5 hours one way to go to my next appointment as I need to get it in before changes happen. I am thankful that I have that option and ability.

If I don't make it to post again before Thanksgiving, I wish all of my American friends a grand holiday. All of my worldly friends, a safe day. And most importantly, even if it isn't a holiday never forget what you are thankful for in your life. You never know when it could change. I love you all and thank you for your support in this journey of my life!

What I eat

2010-11-19T06:31:00.000-06:00

I didn't have much extra time yesterday to post this as I meant to. Thank you Lap Band Gal for suggesting this. It is so helpful for new ideas.

6:00 am Coffee with 1tbs 2% milk and splenda. (30 cal)

7:00am Protein shake (Pure Protein all naturals vanilla) mixed with hot coffee and a packet of splenda. If you ever missed Cappuccino, you won't have to again! (130 cal)

10:00am Zone bar. I prefer the Cinnamon Roll or Kashi Roll peanut carmel (approx. 240 cal)

12:00pm I am very lucky and live 1 mile from my office so I am able to come home at lunch and have time to cook something. I usually have a cup of healthy choice soup. (120) or 8 cocktail shrimp with cocktail sauce (100), or a grilled chicken tender (70).

5:30 I usually eat whatever the family is having for dinner as I try to cook healthy for them. Last night we had the thin (breakfast) cuts of pork chops approx 2 oz baked covered with carmelized onions. (approx 185 cal) 2 tbs of mashed potatoes (2 % milk, light butter) (65 cal), 1/2 cup broccoli (27). My children love all foods so it is easy for us to eat well at home as they will eat anything! I try to keep calories for dinner under 500 for a normal portion for the family so mine is going to be less than that.

So I end up usually about 800 calories. That is what I try to keep it at. I hope this helps!

Whirlwind

2010-11-18T12:49:00.000-06:00

This morning has been a complete whirlwind. I get to work this morning and get a call from our union steward. She is telling me about a meeting on Monday to discuss what happened at the meeting with the employer yesterday. Anyway, I can tell that she is pissed off, so I ask her to share. She knows that I will not say a word to anyone in my office until after the "official" meeting on Monday. Boy am I glad she shared because it was a real issue for me.

Our contract expires on November 30. The jist of the meeting yesterday was that they are changing our insurance (completely), they have already signed contract for said insurance. We had no idea that this was even being talked about. AND said new insurance is going to cost us $110 dollars a month more. My dilema is that I have a secondary insurance through my husband. I was able to get my band without owning anything. I however do not want to pay $170 a month for insurance if I don't really have to as I am post op. Employer is not saying this to anyone, nor have they mentioned to anyone that November is open enrollement. So they just figure they are going to spring this new insurance on us Dec 1, take first payment $85 out of paycheck on Dec 3. It won't be open enrollment anymore, so changes can't be made without penalties and you are stuck paying for a year. I have no problem dropping this insurance as I am covered by husband also, but the problem I have is my next fill appointment is DEC 1! What timing. Also, my doctors last day before Dec 1 was yesterday. So in order to have appointment before insurance changes, I have to drive 4 hours ONE WAY!

I called my husbands insurance and they said that they can't change to primary until Dec 1. Pre-authorization has to be made for fill appts as Bariatric Surgeon is not contracted in my region. Pre-authorization will not be approved as secondary, so I have no choice but to drive for next appointment. Geez, totally what I want to do right after Thanksgiving! I was able to get an appointment on Monday November 29. That will give me 6-8 weeks to set up new appointment and straighten out this mess. I am just SO GLAD that union steward confided in me! I couldn't imagine trying to figure all of this out next week with the holiday!

TOM

2010-11-15T17:17:00.000-06:00

Before I lost the weight that I have, TOM didn't have that much of an effect on me. At least that I noticed... I never remember being so in tune with period. Now on the other had, this is ridiculous! My fingers swell, I eat like a ravenous monster, and my family really realizes something is going on! My weight loss stalls for a week... Let's hope I keep the 3lbs I lost for the challenge this week! After TOM leaves my house though, I usually end up in another decade. That is is only reason for putting up with this is that loss. Here's to hoping for the 150's.

What a difference a year makes!

2010-11-14T17:56:00.002-06:00

I posted on Friday with a story of my life over the past year. As I was going through some pictures, I found a good comparison that I would like to share.

I probably need to email that one to my mom!

Giveaway!

2010-11-14T09:20:00.000-06:00

As part of my reading of new to me bloggers, I came across a wonderful blogger Beanne at Lady Lap Band! She is giving away a set of Jackie Warner's Power Circuit Training & (1) Set - Hand Weights! Click here to enter! What a great giveaway! Back to reading...

Don't forget...

2010-11-14T08:45:00.000-06:00

For those of you participating,the second week weigh in for the Holiday Challenge is due today. I went through the working list on Kristen's page and started following all of the challengers that I didn't already follow. It looks like I have a lot of catching up to do! Good luck to everyone. I am off to read some new blogs now!

Wow has it been that long!?

2010-11-12T10:26:00.000-06:00

I guess that it has been a bit since I have been around. Life has gotten in the way, I guess. That being said, life is good! Today is my daughters 2nd birthday. I feel like this day is really the beginning of this lap band journey. I had a lot of complications throughout my last pregnancy. She ended up being born at 35.5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia. (I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!) I had lost out big on the diet battle right before getting pregnant and had gained 15lbs the two months prior to getting pregnant. Pregnancy didn't help much and I really watched my weight during my pregnancy. I cried and cried the day that scale had to be moved to 200. (I'm 5'2") On the day before she was born, I weighed 210. I had gestational diabetes. I was taking at least 3 insulin shots a day. The doctors promised me that the diabetes would go away. Hailey was born healthy and 6lbs 1oz. For my 6 week checkup, I got on the scale still weighing 210 WTF!? I have a baby right here, how in the h*ll do I still weigh 210!? My diabetes had not resolved itself. Neither had my blood pressure. What was I to do? I was devastated once again. I went to my PCP and was put on several medications. I was 33 years old. I had to pick up the grandma bag at the pharmacy each month. It was horrible.

After my daughter's first birthday, I still weighed 208. I had reserved myself that I was going to stay fat. I wasn't happy about it, but my body was fighting every attempt at losing this weight. I felt horrible all of the time. I had no energy, and I couldn't get on the floor to play with my little girl. If I got down there, there was no chance of getting up again.

In January of this year, I really started looking into the lap band. I checked on my insurance and it was a covered benefit. I never would have been able to afford otherwise. I started my diet requirement for my insurance. The first month I lost 2lbs. Second month 2lbs. Geez I was getting frustrated! I was so glad that my insurance diet was only 3 months as I would have probably given up if it had been 6.

I got my surgery date set up for June 9. It was right after my birthday. I was excited and scared all at the same time. I have been having so much trouble losing weight, would it still be that way?

Fast forward 5 months. I am flirting with 50 lbs lost. I am so close. I would have never thought at Hailey's last birthday that I would be where I am today. I am able to move. I am able to chase her if I need to. I feel wonderful. I still have 35 lbs to go. The glory in that is that I know that I will get there. The uncertainty is no longer lurking. I also have been able to be in pictures with my family. That is a great feeling.

Thank you for sticking with me through my story. I credit each and every one of you with helping me through my weight loss. The statistics say that those who attend support groups and such lose more weight than those who don't. As I am 3.5 hours from my surgeon's office and there aren't any closer support groups for me to attend, you gals are my support group.

Holiday Challenge

2010-11-07T09:39:00.000-06:00

For everyone who has joined the Holiday Challenge, don't forget to send your scale shot to Kristen today! I am definately ready to get back into my exercising. I can't pass up a challenge. My goal is 12lbs during the challenge.

This week has been a whirlwind. Work has been slow, I have been sick. I would thank all for the great pick me ups when I was really down. I had intense vertigo that day. It was the weirdest thing.

I hope that everyone is starting to gear up for the holidays! I am thinking that this one is going to be fabulous! We are planning on having a nice home holiday this year. In years past we have travelled to different places for holiday celebrations. My husband's Christmas gift from his employer was 4 furlough days. They promised as this was being discussed in previous months that they would spread them out as to not cause hardships. Well what it has came down to is hitting 3 out of 4 paychecks during the holidays because they are telling us what days that they have to take. This sucks ass. How is that not supposed to cause hardships?

My question now on this whole furlough thing is whether daycare is going to close for a "paid holiday" on those dates. Our daycare works on the schedule of the university. If the university is closed to staff then they are closed, but full payment is due. It will be a big double whammy if we have to pay for daycare on a not getting paid day even if she isn't there. Currently my daycare costs twice the amount of my house payment every month! Kindergarten can't come fast enough for me!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my band? I really am enjoying this process. I feel better than I have in years. I have hope. That is something that had been lacking in previous years. I think that is why I am really looking forward to the holiday season this year. I am not worried about all of the food that will be around, as even if I eat everything I want, I won't be able to eat enough to impede my process. That is a wonderful feeling! I definately won't be able to eat 3 of the sam's club packages of baklava this year. Thank god!

I hate using sick days to actually be sick!

2010-11-04T08:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know about anyone else, but it really seems like the waste of a perfectly good sick day when you are actually sick. I woke up in the middle of the night with flu-like symptoms. As I was sitting in the bathroom this morning, I felt as if I needed to throw up. I heaved for a while (I know TMI), but nothing more than spit came up. I am was worried the whole time as to whether an actual vomit would come up through my band. How does that work? Does it make a super projectile or something? Could I slip my band? Too much to worry about. I must have looked like total hell today as my husband said, "I hope that you aren't going to work today, stay home sick." So here I am, home, sick.

I hope that I feel better later, but right now it isn't looking good. I totally hope that I feel better this weekend. My husband and the boys are going on a boy scout campout. My daughter and I are going to spend her last weekend as a one year old having a total girls weekend. Pedicures and hair curlers and all! She loves to have her toes done! I can't believe that she will be two next week!

I fixed my page!

2010-11-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

Ok so I am a complete retard! I had a bunch of returns entered after my ticker. Not sure how they got there, but I was able to get rid of them. Crisis averted!

Men!

2010-11-01T18:59:00.001-05:00

Well my husband usually isn't too much of a pain in the rear, but there are days that I really wonder what their purpose is on this earth. I talked in my last post about the laptop going down. We had taken the desktop away from the kids, so until I hooked that back up, I was on the Wii for internet. Anyway, the desktop is all hooked back up, but that isn't good enough for him. He calls me today and wants me to take off work early so that we can go laptop shopping. Not that we really need one right now, and not that we are a bit short on money right now, and not that Christmas isn't just around the corner. MEN! Geez! His excuse was, "I don't need to spend all that time in the basement." Now mind you our basement is just as nice as the rest of the house. He just wanted an excuse. Well he got his laptop, but I won't touch it until he gets it all set up the way that he wants it. I guess that I can use it against him later when I want something. I just needed to vent!

Bandwise, the week is going well. I am still flirting with that new low. Hopefully it will stick soon. I am having female issues right now. ie the period that seems like it will never end! 3 weeks off and on at this point. I HATE my Mirena!!!!! I was able to stay away from the Halloween candy. I had one fun size butterfinger. I didn't think that was too bad! I really haven't wanted anything else. I love my band.

I am getting excited for the new Holiday Challenge! Hopefully, I will be able to post more when the laptop is up and running. It is really hard to find time to get down here. My daughter is currently standing at the gate at the top of the stair yelling MAMA! MAMA!

Does anyone know how to fix the top of my blog? All of this space just appeared the other day and I can't for the life of me figure out what the h*ll happened. I didn't change anything, it just appeared. Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am an html retard!

Well as we head onward...

2010-10-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

It appears that there is a new challenge upon us! Kristen has been so gracious as to keep track of another challenge for us. Even as she is busy planning her wedding! Thank you Kristen. Joey has made a wonderful icon for us. Joey always does an amazing job on those. I am ready to go!

Some of you may have noticed that my comments the past day or so have been short and sweet. Our laptop went to heaven and I had been typing on the Wii! I have the old desktop up and running now. Weight is going well. I saw a new low this morning. It will take a couple of days to own it though.

I need to get heading to get everyone in the house out of bed and ready to start their day. Have a great one!

Never trust a hiccup!

2010-10-27T12:57:00.000-05:00

At work this morning I had to drive the the detention facility for my juveniles which is about 40 miles away. It was a nice day, no problems. Well I was starving on the way home, so I ran through Arby's drive thru for some loaded potato bites (I know not the best choice, but something I thought I could eat while driving). I get out on the highway and start eating. Things are not going well. I know better than to eat and drive. I pull over and get the roll of diaper bags that I keep in my purse for times like this. I promptly pb in the baggie. All is well, I feel fine again. I don't even try to eat anymore.

About 12 miles down the road, I am still feeling fine. No stuck feelings or tightness at all. I so however feel a hiccup. Not a big deal, I do that a lot since being banded. Well not such a little deal... I proceeded to bring up a PILE of slime. WHILE DRIVING! It is all over my shirt, pants, and leaking between my legs onto the cloth seats of the get this... company vehicle! OMG!! I frantically look, I have NO Napkins anywhere! Needless to say I drove the additional 20 miles back to the office covered in slime. I walked in and told the secretary that I was going home for lunch and if anybody needed the car, talk them out of it and I would explain later. Anyone know how to get a pile of slime out of cloth seats? It looks like I peed in it! I came home and showered. I still need to go back and clean it up. I hope that no one needs to use the car!

6:38pm

2010-10-25T18:53:00.000-05:00

I look at the clock and realize that it is going to be a long night. My daughter (will be 2 in a couple of weeks) is already asleep. I hope that she stays. She got to spend the day with the 2 year old class today, so maybe she played extra hard at school today.

I had a wonderful day today. I spend a lot of time just amazed at how much better I feel all of the time. I feel light and airy, not tired and dragged down. I can only imagine that this will keep getting better and better the further I get into this. I still haven't hit 6 months out yet. I am hoping to get to 150 lbs by new years. It is totally doable as that is 12 lbs in 10 weeks.

Some have asked previously, I am really short. (5'2") I guess that makes my weights look really low to a lot of people. My highest ever weight is 210 lbs. I was completely miserable. My BMI was 39. I was wearing a really tight 18. I couldn't bear to buy a 20. So I understand that my starting weight may be a lot of others goal, but something that was very unhealthy for me.

Good Morning!

2010-10-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

I am having a wonderful morning! I am officially overweight. I never thought that I would be so excited to say that. I have been trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will NEVER be obese again. The family and I went out yesterday to take some fall pictures. My 2 year old did not cooperate, but what else is new.

When I got on the scale and saw 162.8, I couldn't believe my eyes. I stepped off the scale did the happy dance. I stepped back on. 162.8. I thought this thing is wrong. Again 162.8!

So, I guess I am overweight and proud of it!

This week has been a good one. The weather has been wonderful. My parents are coming to visit next weekend. Mom has finished Christmas shopping so I will have to store everything for her, since they will fly home for Christmas. I haven't even thought about starting Christmas shopping. My daughter's birthday is November 12, so I probally won't even think about it until after that.

Thoughts of the day

2010-10-18T19:07:00.000-05:00

I think I may have actually figured out how to eat. Now I know that sounds strange, but I was beginning to think that I was too tight after my last fill. I was pbing a lot. It would seem that I was feeling bad after about 2 bites.

I have made a concious effort to truely slow down and have discovered that was my problem. My question to all of you wonderful ladies (and a few guys) is, I hate for my food to be cold. How do you eat so slow without your food getting cold?

Weight is still going well. Food intake is right on track. All is well now that I don't spend all day pbing. Does anyone know how hard it is to puke in a baby powder scented diaper baggie? YUCK I don't know what was worse... the fact that I had to pb or the smell of that baggie!

My new (old) phone is acting up today. I washed mine over the weekend. I feel like such an idiot. My daughter and I took a long walk on Saturday. I had on a hoodie sweatshirt and I put my phone in the front pocket. When I got home, I was talking to my husband as I loaded the washer. Since I was doing a load of darks, I took it off and threw it in. It never even touched the ground to where I could have heard it hit. All my fault. So I am back to old trusty that spends most of its life in the drawer to cover all of the family members in emergency. Well old trusty is giving me trouble that I don't understand. It will not call my mother. How weird is that? I have tried dialing with the area code without the area code. I even erased her contact with my phone. It always says call failed. I thought it was her phone at first, but I called her from my office phone and it worked just fine. So I told her what was going on and told her to call me. She called on the cell from her phone and it worked just fine. It has been like this all day. I know that some would be ok with this, but I talk to my mom a couple of times a day. Now I have to text her (because that goes through) to call me. How retarded is that? Any ideas? I desperately need a new phone!

100th post!

2010-10-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

I have been saving this one for a couple of days as it is my 100th post and I hadn't really come up with anything 100th post worthy to share.

Tonight, my daughter and I went to my aunts house for dinner. I had not seen my aunt in a year as last October we had a huge family rift and my mother and her sister and their respective families had not spoken in that time. She invited us to dinner this evening. It had been a year since I had seen her or her sons. The reaction to my weightloss was astounding! I was really excited to hear that. Even from my cousins (we all used to be really close), they are 30 & 31 and men and they noticed. Although I am wondering if it was the clothing that I was wearing today because I had another strange reaction today. I finally went out of the house in size 12 jeans. I went to work today and my boss said "Don't take this the wrong way, but you are looking good" Is that just creepy or what? I am just so glad that my efforts are being noticed, but was I such a troll or something before?

I am so glad that there are people who are still listening to me ramble after these first 100 posts! You make be greatful for this community! Thanks again!

Children

2010-10-13T07:11:00.000-05:00

My 10 year old said something that really stuck with me last night. He shares my battle with the bulge. He has been a big boy since he was a baby and was also graced with my height. (that isn't a good thing!)

He is a very compassionate child and has been very interested in my band from the very beginning. He has been amazed by the weight loss and is the first one to say he is proud of me. Anyway, we were sitting on the couch last night and he says, "Hailey (my 23 month old) is lucky." "Why honey?" "She will only know how to eat healthy so maybe she will never have to worry about losing weight." Wow that hit me like a ton of bricks. I hope that is the case, but I have also had Jordan in the kitchen with me teaching him that there is more to life than what comes from a box.

I also worry however, that my dieting and trying to put some limits on Jordan may have a lasting effect on him. When I last cleaned his room, I found a hidden box of cookies. I did not purchase said box of cookies, so I am not sure where he got them. He wouldn't answer when I asked. *We live in a small town and he could have ridden his bike to the little milk store a couple of blocks away* Am I ruining his childhood by forcing my family to eat healthier because I don't want them to have to go through what I have? I got so upset with my husband over the weekend. He went on a scout camping trip with Jordan. He also did the shopping for the trip. I don't think that there was a thing in that bag that wasn't loaded with carbs. There wasn't a thing healthy. I was physically sick when I found out they went through 18 soda cans in 2 days. Should I worry?

Port strangeness

2010-10-12T07:17:00.001-05:00

My husband and I were walking through the Rural King (farm type store) on Sunday. We wander in this store often. Anyway, we made it out of the house without any children, which since Hailey was born doesn't happen very often. So we are walking and my husband is strumming my port like it is a guitar or something. I am not sure if he feels it or that is just where his hand is. He says, "is that where they put the needle?" I said yeah. He thought it was really cool that he could feel it without any effort. I am concerned that it will show quite a bit when I make it to goal. I warned my husband of that fact and he said he didn't care. Do you think that he might think that I will look like a freak? I would think that I would still have a lot of fluffiness covering it because I still have a lot of weight to go, but I guess not if he can feel it without even trying.

I have been working on a clothing exchange with Ginger at Gidgets Gadget. This is a lot of fun. I have quite a few pairs of pants in a 16 P left over and a couple of 18 P. So if there are any shortys out there in need... email me!

Also I am looking for clothing in size 12 pants (I am a shorty, but can hem!) and Large or Medium shirts! Any help would be appreciated!

Restriction

2010-10-10T20:41:00.001-05:00

I think that I finally have it. The weightloss is finally beginning to feel like it is almost effortless. I am not getting hungry unless I haven't eaten in a long time. I also do not require much food at all before I am full. I am starting to have trouble with certain foods even if I go really slow. But, I am now 2lbs from being overweight! I never thought I would get so excited about being overweight.

I haven't been around much this week, but...

2010-10-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

I had to post for my 4 month bandiversary! These past 4 months have been a whirlwind. I am down 31lbs since then (10 more before) for a total of 41 lbs lost! I never imagined that I would be where I am now. I still have a ways to go, but it all seems attainable! I am doing well with my fill. I think that I am where I need to be. Eating is no longer the first thing on my mind. I have to just day WOW! To anyone reading this that is in the process of getting approval for surgery, keep going. It may seem never ending now, but in the blink of an eye you will look back and wonder how you ever lived that way. You will start living your life in ways you never imagined. I am only 1/2 way there, I am so excited to see what there is to come! I have been stopped at the Courthouse that I work out of (I am not there everyday) several times in the past week in several different offices to wonder what I am doing. The weightloss must really be starting to show! Here are some pictures! I had to change the picture clothing. The pants wouldn't stay up anymore!

Happy October!

2010-10-03T16:32:00.000-05:00

Well it would appear by the outside of my house that October is here. My hubby and boys have been putting up the zoo of halloween decorations all day. These are pictures from last year, but you get the idea! I spent the day relaxing a bit. My oldest son went to his first homecoming last night. I stayed up much later than I normally do. I don't know how I am going to handle this stay up until they get home thing. I may have to make curfew 8pm!

He was such a gentleman with his date. It was really cute! I can't believe how big he is getting! He gets such a giggle when I ask him to reach something for me.

My fill from last week is still tight. I am doing ok with it. It is a learning process. I think that this throat thing I have had going since Friday is causing more trouble than the tightness. I can drink anything without trouble, eating I just need to go really slow. I guess that means I really have what I need in my band! The weather cooled down here this weekend. I put on a sweatsuit from last year, I am swimming in it. That is a good thing in so many ways!

I saw IT this morning!

2010-10-01T07:06:00.000-05:00

40 lbs GONE FOREVER! I never thought that I would reach this point! This milestone totally makes me want to go on and on. 40lbs also means that I am really close to halfway to goal. I would like to again thank all of you who follow me and leave the most supportive comments as I travel down the road to healthy.

Third fill!

2010-09-29T17:21:00.000-05:00

Well this fill was quite uneventful. Nothing like my last two experiences. I got another full cc. I now have 6cc in a standard AP band. Doctor said that he could feel pressure pushing back on his thumb so we may be where we need to be. I have lost 12 lbs since my last appointment 8 weeks ago. I totally didn't think he would give me a fill let alone a full cc. He commented that my band was still pretty empty. I am not quite sure what he meant by that. I go back the first week of December. I am hoping for some restriction this time. I have been weighing and measuring my food way too much! Only a pound to go for 40 down! I am getting excited!

I just realized something.

2010-09-27T17:21:00.000-05:00

I was cleaning in my office today. We are housed in an old doctor's office, so each office has a whole bank of cabinets and a countertop. Most offices (not mine) also have a sink. The downside to having all of this cabinet space is that I practically live in my office. As I was going through the cabinets, I found a stack of papers. These papers had not been in there long, but I had just stuck them there for lack of a better place to put them. Anyway, I took a good look at them. They were a copy of all of my medical records that I obtained when I was gaining approval for my lap band surgery. I guess I was just so worried about getting those papers to my surgeon, that I just copied them, and sent them on their merry way. Maybe they didn't mean much then. I don't know.

I sat down and looked at them and there were two pages that showed my vitals including weight each time that I went the doctor since 2002. All of these start about the time that I had my gall bladder surgery. I have blamed a lot of my weight gain on that gall bladder surgery. After I had the surgery, my pcp told me that I should expect to gain about 25lbs. Within the year after that surgery, I gained 40lbs. I made excuse after excuse about my weight. All about the gall bladder surgery. Amazing how we don't try to see what is really going on. The year of the 40 lb gain was also the year right before my husband and I divorced. Maybe me feeling bad about that 40lbs led to some of the marital problems we were having. I also realized that I weigh 13 lbs less than I did at the weight that I balanced out at in 2003. I weighed 183 for 5 years until 2008 when I got pregnant with my daughter and went up to 210 after I had her.

I am so thankful for my lap band for giving me hope again to move downward on the scale and upward on my mood. I can't even believe my luck when I realized that I was that much below where I had been for so many years. It makes a lot of sense looking back now. I had so many size 16 pants and xl shirts. I guess that is what I wore for so long. I got up to 18w and 2xl at my largest. I am now in 14 and some 12 pants and large shirts. The clothing size just amazes me as I had just reserved myself that I was going to be a 16 forever.

I still have a ways to go to goal, but I feel like the victories come at the times when you most need them!!

To the BOOBS...

2010-09-25T06:58:00.002-05:00

Have a wonderful time in Chicaago! Take lots of pictures and KEEP POSTING! I am so missing not being there. So bad as I really want to get in the car and go. Too bad my husband took my car to St. Louis with him this morning... I am not driving his for 6 hours, I am afraid to drive it in town! Anyway, have a grand time everyone!

How many calories?

2010-09-21T12:25:00.000-05:00

I have tracked my calories daily for about 2 weeks now. I have come up between 1000 and 1100 calories each day. I have hit a lull in my weight loss. I have been sitting at 170 for about 3 weeks now. I am wondering how many you gals get. I feel like I haven't moved because my metabolism is screwed or something. I do know that I am in need of a fill and have an appointment on the 29th.

I am at a loss for what I should be eating. I am asking here because the nutritionist at my practice doesn't visit my office. I like most foods, but for protein I do not like fish. I can't seem to get past the smell and texture. I have tried as I know this is a lower calorie protein source.

I feel like I was doing so well, but have just stopped. Am I getting too many calories? Or not enough. I have seen on a few websites that my basal metabolism is 1592 a day so I should be loosing right? I do exercise, but probably not enough. Any help would be appreciated!

Cherry on Top Award!

2010-09-20T12:36:00.000-05:00

Thank you so much Christine for this wonderful award!

I really appreciate it!

Ok, this award’s rules for eligibility are:

1. Answer the question, “If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

There is only one thing in my life that I think that I would possibly go back and change. My husband and I divorced for three years and remarried. We were married for nine years when we called it quits. Three years later we decided to give it another go. That was three years ago. I think that we wouldn't have went all the way to divorce if it wasn't so easy. We separated in October and the divorce was completely finalized in November. We didn't give it time. However, all is not lost. We both learned a lot throughout our time apart, for the better.

2. Pass on to six people and inform them of the award.
I am going to be a bump on a log and pass on the pass along. I haven't had a lot of time to keep up on commenting and the such. I read such glorious blogs so if you think you deserve an award, you get my vote!

Thank you so much Christine!

Portion sizes

2010-09-19T14:53:00.000-05:00

I guess since I haven't been around in a week, this is going to be a two post day. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately about portion sizes. My particular portion sizes are probably bigger than they need to be. I still don't have great restriction. I do however realize over and over, how much less I eat now.

As I posted earlier, I spent the week at the fair. Last year, I would have easily had a sandwich, a plate of ribbon fries with cheese, a lemon shake-up and then be looking for more. I would do this a couple of times throuought the week. This year, I got a philly cheese steak with a fork. I ate approximately 1/3 of the meat and was stuffed. I also took water bottles with me. I didn't want to drink the sugar water. This really amazed me.

In the fall and winter, I cook a big pot of soup on Sunday's. Every Sunday. We have a warming element on our stove that keeps soup at the perfect temperature all day. So I cook early, and don't have to worry about anything the rest of the day. This was the first week of the year that I cooked soup. Southwestern bean was on the menu. Last year, I would eat several large bowls of soup throughout the day. It was there and available. Today, I didn't even fill my bowl. I am really full. I might go back for more at dinner.

What the difference a year makes!

It has been a busy week

2010-09-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

I haven't been around at all this week, so I thought that would give a quick update. This past week was our town's festival. Can you guess what we celebrate based on my daughter's picture from the parade yesterday?

Our town in small, less than 10,000 people. The whole town comes out for the festival that lasts for a week. Eating at the fair with a band is interesting to say the least. I managed to make it through only getting stuck once, but no pb. My husband thought that I might need to help him at the pie eating contest. I told him that unless he wanted to see a whole lot of slime on stage, that probably wasn't a good idea.

Look at these big guys! My husband is on the right. They were beat in the pie eating contest by some skinny teachers!

My son (farthest left) had to join in on the pie eating activites also!

The parade in our town is such a big deal (2 1/2 hours). People in town start setting up their chairs on Wednesday for Saturday's parade. People always set up their chairs in the same place year after year. We had a great time! My oldest son worked on many projects for his Key club group. Back to normalcy for us this week. I leave you with another picture of my daughter. Doesn't this picture just look like Americana?

I buttoned....

2010-09-11T07:21:00.000-05:00

A 12! I wouldn't have dared come out of the dressing room, but they buttoned and zipped! I went to the goodwill last night for a couple of 14s because the 16s I was still wearing yesterday were horribly big on me. My son was sorting the racks. (Great job for a 10 year old by the way) He accidently put a 12 in the stack. I looked at the tag before I put them on and figured what the he**. They went up and BUTTONED! You can not even imgine (well most of you can) the excitement!

Thousand Word Thursday

2010-09-09T12:35:00.000-05:00

This is a crossstitched picture that my grandmother stitched. She was amazing with a cross stich needle. This is about 2 feet square. My mother and I have several of these since she has passed. The funny thing over all is that we treasure these, but we both didn't like her much. She was my father's mother. I feel that I am very like her and that scares me alot. One trait that I get from her is that I must have the ENTIRE set of everything that comes in a set. I obsess about it. I don't even need half of the crap, but I must have it. Sad isn't it?

Plateau broken, crater forming

2010-09-05T15:48:00.000-05:00

Down 2 lbs this week! So glad because that plateau was making me crazy! I am only 3 months out of surgery and the plateau was a little ridiculous. Oh well now I can make my way to "overweight!" I have 10 more pounds to lose to never be obese again! Wish me luck, I will need every bit of it.

On non band related news, this week has been a whirlwind. The past has come back to haunt me. My brother in law, who is one of the biggest dipshits in the world has resurfaced after 7 years. He says that the kids want to see thier uncle (my husband) problem is my husband wants nothing to do with his brother at all. I have spoken to him on facebook and I am not impressed. He is still the same slimeball that he was when he did what he did to cause the 7 years of no contact in the first place. Long story on that one... lets just leave it at this event is what spurred our divorce. I feel so bad for my husband as this is his only sibling and they don't speak. This contact has stirred a lot of bad emotions for me. I however, have not resorted to food! I am so proud of myself for that.

Questionairre for a Saturday Morning

2010-09-04T08:36:00.000-05:00

So I have seen this on a few different blogs...so I figured I would give it a whirl on a Saturday morning!

A

- Age: 35 shsssh don't tell anybody :)

- Annoyance: Kids who think that they know everything.

- Animal: I love my 2 cats Bailey & Onyx

- Actor: Josh Hartnett

B

- Beer: Not a real fan of beer, but if I am going to have one, it has to be a Fosters

- Birthplace: St. Charles, Illinois
- Body Part on the Opposite Sex: Hands

- Been in Love: I love my hubby so much I married him twice! So much better the second time around!
- Been bitched at: I am a Probation Officer... so daily!
- Believe in yourself?: I have trouble with this one often
- Believe in God: Yes, but the Catholic church pissed me off several years ago, so we are faithful but don't attend services

- Before weight: 210 OMG I actually typed that?

C

- Car: Hyundai Santa Fe

- Candy: Payday
- Color: Purple

- Cried in school: Yes once, when I fell up the stairs (wasn't I the graceful one!)

- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla

- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican definately

- Cake or pie: Pecan Pie

- Country to visit: I travelled the world as a teenager with my parents. I am happy right here in the USA. OK maybe go back to Jamacia

D

- Day or Night: Day... I can't seem to stay up past 11 ever...

- Do the splits?: not a chance, not even when I was 95 lbs in high school

E

- Eggs: Scrambled with cheese

- Eyes: Blue

F

- First crush: Gerry Morris (found out recently that he doesn't go for girls, maybe I did something he did kiss me in the coat closet in Kindergarten!)
- First thoughts waking up: I gotta pee!

- Food: Mexican!

G

- Greatest Fear: Not having enough money
- Goals: Make my kids look back on thier childhood fondly. Like the sign says, Our family puts the fund in dysfunctional
- Get along with your parents?: I talk to my mom almost everyday.
- Good luck charm: Don't have one

H

- Hair Color: Light Brown with Blonde Highlights

- Height: 5'2" (eyes of blue LOL)

- Happy: Most of the time...

- Holiday: Christmas... The lights, sparkling and shiny things...singing carols, family... everything. (OHHHH YEAHHH! I second this too!)

- Health freak?: Um this is a weightloss blog...!

- Hate: People who lie to me. (I get that alot in my job, and it still pisses me off. I do like to really gloat when I get them to admit that they were lying to me)

I

- Ice Cream: Not a big fan, but vanilla if I have it.

- Instrument: I have absolutely no rhythm

J

- Jewelry: I am a fan of costume jewlery.
- Job: Probation Officer

K

- Kids: Step-son 19, Son 14, Son, 10, Daughter 22 months
- Kickboxing or karate: I am not coordinated enough

- Keep a journal? I blog duh!

L

- Longest Car Ride: We drive everywhere we go, but last Thanksgiving we drove from Illinois to Myrtle Beach. Unfortunately the interstate was closed right before Asheville NC because a mountain fell on it. The detour was approximately 100 miles out of our way. So I take out a map and we decide to go through the mountains... 3 hours and many deuling banjos later we made it over the mountains. The drive was already 14 hours so the extra 3 was just a bonus!

- Love: Tony

- Laughed so hard you cried: Joy is something that must be found in life.
- Love at first sight: I don't think so. Maybe lust, but not love.

M

- Milk flavor: Almond milk...

- Movie: Harry Potter or Twilight series

- Mooned anyone?: Oh yes!

- Marriage: Married 3 years this time. 9 years last time (to the same person) (we just took a 3 year break)

- Motion sickness? Nope...thank goodness!!!

- McD’s or BK: I really can't stand either, but BKs Cheesy tots were good.

N

- Number of Siblings: Younger brother

- Number of Piercings: just my ears
- Number: 5

O

- One wish: Being thin

P

- Place you’d like to live: Tennessee

- Perfect Pizza: Pizza Hut Stuffed crust Supreme
- Pepsi/Coke: Neither... Mt Dew!

Q

- Questionaires: Sure why not, I am still filling out this one aren't I?

R

- Reason to cry: Not lately

- Reality T.V.: Not a big fan

-Roll your tongue in a circle? Yes

S

- Song: You're gonna miss this - Trace Adkins
- Shoe size: 7, but my shoes seem to be getting loose
- Salad Dressing: Ranch... can someone say weight problem?

- Skipped school: I was a nerd, so only once!

- Smoking: Quit 3 years ago

- Sing well?: Not at all, but I still do it in the car with the windows up

- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries raw, blueberries cooked

- Time for bed: around 10... if I haven't fallen asleep on the couch already

- Thunderstorms: I love them!

- TV: Greys, Private Practice, L&O SVU

U

- Unpredictable: Sometimes, but not too often

V

- Vegetable you hate: Green Beans, cooked carrots

- Vegetable you love: Broccoli, peas, onions, mushrooms

- Vacation spot: Try for a different one every year... I totally love Gatlinburg though!

W

- Weakness: Freeze dried green beans. I don't like regular green beans, but I could eat a whole bag of these, band or not!
- When you grow up: Been there done that
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: My BFF is Heather, funny I know Heather & Heather. We also work together.
- Wanted to be a model?: Not in a million years

X

-X-Rays: occassionally

Y

-Year it is now: 2010

-Yellow: daisys

Z

- Zoo: If it isn't too hot

- Zodiac sign: Gemini

Thousand Word Thursday

2010-09-02T06:54:00.000-05:00

I would have to say that my best feature has always been my eyes. The speck of brown has always been mysterious. Luckily two of my children have my eyes....

Thoughts of the day

2010-09-01T07:24:00.000-05:00

I think that I am going to go with bullets today because that is just how my mind is moving today...

Has any one else realized that they have to pluck the crazy wild thick hairs of the moustache and beard areas less often as they lose weight? I used to have tweezers in my purse, desk at work (with a magnifying mirror there also), and several at home just in case I felt a stray hair. Most certainly it would drive me insane so I had to rid of it right away no matter where I was. I have noticed recently that I am having to do that less often because I am just not finding these hairs. Awesome NSV!
Has anyone tried almond milk? I am so in love with this stuff. It doesn't taste or smell strange like soy milk. It is thick and creamy and only 60 calories in an 8 ounce glass. I have been using it to mix my protein shakes rather than milk (can't stand it with water.) I have also been using it in my coffee.
I am also having protein shakes for breakfast. I am really tight in the morning so I have just been doing a shake in the morning. I came across a new kind of protein yesterday, Casein proteins. Supposedly they take longer to digest and keep you satisfied longer. It only has 120 calories per serving. I ordered it yesterday and will see. I hope that it is good!

My mind is just wandering today. I hope that the day is better than yesterday. I felt like it was a second Monday at work. Heres to hoping for a wonderful hump day!

A wonderful weekend and flat for the week

2010-08-30T07:29:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful weekend here in Southern Illinois. The weather was close to perfect. Yesterday we took a family walk. This area is abundant in State Parks and trails so we do this quite often. Here are some pictures from our walk...

Leave it to my husband to be taking pictures from behind!

Why are we laughing you ask??? My younger boy loudly broke wind! Oh the life with boys!

My daughter was so excited. She is almost 2 and she found "Shrek's house"!

Weight loss has ended up flat for the week. No loss or gain. I don't have a fill scheduled until Sept 29. I ended up with 5lb loss for August. I guess that isn't too bad, it just wasn't as fast as before. I have figured out the tanning and exercising dilema I had before. I have found a new place to tan that is a mile from my house. It is a super mega bronzer bed (it even talks to you). I will only have to tan once a week to maintain what I have so that will free up a lot of time for exercise. I really need it! OK I can't figure out how to get out of this add caption stuff. I guess it will just have to stay this way! Everyone have a great Monday!

The bandwagon has left without me

2010-08-28T07:40:00.000-05:00

I have fallen! The bandwagon just kept going. Up 2 lbs this week. I still have been having trouble exercising because of my port causing issues. It has been getting better though. Restriction has lessened up. What sucks is I changed my appointment because it was the week of our town's big festival and I didn't want to be pbing if I tried some "fair food." In doing so, I set myself back 2 whole weeks. I am really going to try and get back on right away!

Question about ports and pain...

2010-08-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

I have been stepping up my exercise quite a bit. On Friday last week, my stomach started to hurt some right where my port is located. I can palapate my port and feel it. It was like a pulling, tugging feeling. The only way that I can describe it is like the round ligament pain in pregnancy. Anyway, back to the story... I hurt a bit all weekend, but wrote it off as the extra exercise that I had been doing. We went for the bike ride this weekend and it didn't hurt. Tonight, I tried to do my cardio tape again. As I was trying some jumping jacks, I had to turn off the tape and stop. It felt like the port was bouncing up and down inside me. Very disturbing feeling! It doesn't hurt constantly, but occassionally if I move a certain way it hurts. Any ideas? I am afraid it has come undone or flipped or something. Of course, I overdramatize too... HELP!

I am such a bad blogger!

2010-08-23T12:47:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that it has been a week since I posted! Life has taken hold and I have lost time. Weight loss is good. I am down 2lbs this week. I am solidly in a 14. I have been trying to find pants at the thrift shops, but am not having much luck. Seems like they have everything EXCEPT a 14. I did however find 2 khaki pants in 14 short at one shop. $3 each and I didn't even have to hem! Of course that isn't going to get me through a week of work, so I continue on my quest. I just don't want to buy new pants and only get to wear them for a little bit. I have went from a tight 18W to a 14 in a couple of months. I hate wearing the bigger clothes because they make me look frumpy now. Oh well, I may just have a bite the bullet.

I am really enjoying life with the lap band. Who would have thought that I could share a kids portion with my 22 month old daughter? The family and I took a nice bike ride this weekend. I would have never been able to ride around town before. My butt hurts though, it is the bike that I rode around campus in in college. Maybe I need a bigger seat?

Getting older

2010-08-17T12:50:00.000-05:00

I totally never thought that I would be here. I had my children never thinking that they would leave me. I figured that they would always be there no matter what. My oldest son started high school today. I think that I cried more today than I did the day he started kindergarten. I feel like my days with him are numbered. Why this is hitting me like this I don't know. I still see him as that skinny little kid who we never thought would grow into his ears. He has grown into them nicely and is so much taller than me too! Not a hard thing to accomplish as I am 5'2". I feel like I can see the end my duties to him, and I don't like it one bit.

I have a 1 year old, so my youngness is still upon me, but I feel like I am ancient. Next comes the driver's license. I am not sure if I can handle him being in control of anything that goes more than 5mph. He will get his permit in January. Why did my mother not explain (or maybe I didn't listen) that it is all over in a blink. You don't realize when you think that the diapers will never end, that you will wake up and they will be going to prom. Make the most of every moment, no matter what and treasure each stage in your children's life no matter how annoying it is at the time. I feel like I have missed out on so much even though I have been there the whole time. That is my truest wish with the band, I have so much more energy now to be involved with my kids and not worry about being the "fat mom."

On a good note, my husband surprised me at work today with flowers. He didn't even get me flowers when the kids were born. I wonder what he has done that I don't know about yet? They were beautiful though!

A new week.

2010-08-16T06:45:00.000-05:00

I truely hate Mondays! Please excuse my last post full of gramatical nonsense. I typed it on my phone and it didn't seem to keep formatting. I didn't realize how bad it looked until this morning.

On to today, I have a busy beginning of the week at work. They end of the week is somewhat slow. School starts this week. I have been having a hard time rapping my head around the fact that I will have a son in high school this year. He is really excited and is working on joining all kinds of clubs. He is my more intellectual child. Am I really this old?

I am starting to lose my workout mojo. I don't know what is going on with me. I almost feel like it isn't worth it. I know in my heart that it is definately what has gotten me to where I am now, but just can't seem to get into doing it as much as I need to. I am going to let my tanning membership lapse this month. Maybe that will give me more time before the baby comes home from daycare. (My husband takes her and picks her up as daycare is in the town that he works in.) I LOVE tanning though... It is just 8 miles away, in the university town and move in is this week. This means that so many people will beat driving who don't know where they are going, causing accidents and such. That and the tanning salon will be a zoo. In order to get the appointment time that I prefer, I have to set my alarm on my phone for the time that they open to call as appointments must be made same day! I guess that I will give a month lax on tanning and see about using that time for workouts and reflect on that in a month.

As for BOOBS, I so wish I was going! I only live 6 hours from Chicago, but money is really tight this time of year. I just don't see how I would swing it. I am afraid that everyone is going to meet, and those who don't go are going to be very left out. :-( It sucks being poor!

Oh well, no reason to cry over spilt milk. I am off to spend my day in the land of juvenile mayhem...

Ramblings...

2010-08-13T11:17:00.001-05:00

I have continued to stay busy this week with work. I will be glad that school starts next week and the juvenile deliquents will be off the streets! Maybe I can rest for a couple of weeks before they start getting in trouble at school. On the band front, things are going well. I have really good restriction. 3 lbs down this week. I also did measurements again and I am down a total of 28 inches! That is 9 more than when I last checked not that long ago. I have lost 6 inches on my "skin apron" alone! I am really hoping that it continues to shrink. I have finshed school supply shopping for the boys. I am really ready for them to go back to school. They are messing up my house too much. I still have to get one a new bike as his has broken and they both ride their bikes to their respective schools. I truly enjoy living in a town small enough for that to be possible.

Fill casualities...

2010-08-10T17:34:00.001-05:00

Check out the bruise left from my fill last week! I know that he had to have hit something the way that the blood squirted out, but that is one NASTY bruise. I have been in training at work this week so I haven't had time to post. I will try to post later tonight and tell ya'll what's been up!

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Gotta help a rockstar out!

2010-08-06T06:52:00.005-05:00

Well, I am going to do a different kind of shout out... Judy doesn't need our support to get to her goal... She is past it. She lost 115 pounds and is 5 pounds under her goal. Pretty impressive, huh? Well, She is reaching her 3rd year bandiversary soon and would like a follower for each pound she's lost... a new goal for a new woman, Do you already follow Judy's journey? If not, check it out at http://judifromthismomenton.blogspot.com/2010/08/party-planning.html

Let there be restriction!

2010-08-04T18:54:00.000-05:00

I went for my second fill today. It was very different from my first. He again had me stand and it hurt this time when he stuck the needle in. I got .5 cc. He put in a whole one but backed 1/2 back out after I told him that really slowed things down. He said that the research says conservative is best. So I sit with 5 cc. I noticed on the way home that my water was slower to go down. Here's to hoping that this will do it. OK back to my fill story (I must have the most eventful fills... remember the marinade injector? I said that it hurt this time going in... well when he pulls it out he has the bandaid package in his hand opening it at the same time. He yanks out the needle and blood starts spewing out of the hole hitting the cabinent. He puts the bandaid paper of the stream (because they are so absorbant) and tells me to hold it there. Blood is running down on my pants as I am standing this whole time. We finally get dressing on it and he nochalantly says "nothing to worry about, the aorta is normally deeper than that needle goes." WTF why would he say that? Needless to say, I was ready to leave!

On another note, I was graced with the great fortune of having two doctor appointments in one day! So after I left my surgeon, I drove the hour to see my PCP. I got great news at my PCP. NO MORE MEDS! I have officially been taken off my diabetes med, blood pressure med, and cholesterol med. He said we will do labs in 6 months to check on the cholesterol and if I need something it will be a lot less potent than the Lipitor. This PCP visit is worth every bit of pain that this surgery caused!

Happy Days! Hot Summer Meltdown came and I KICKED ASS!

2010-08-03T12:27:00.000-05:00

I just got my email from Kristen! All I can say is OMG! And I was complaining about bandster hell? WTF? I guess in my mind I need to stop thinking that I am going to wake up tomorrow and be skinny. Thank you all for the wonderful comments on the progress pics. I totally see that I am getting my waist back. I wish that this spare tire around my hips would go away, but I guess if I go swimming I have a built in intertube.

I still don't feel too much in the restriction department, but I have been watching my diet really closely and exercising. I have another appointment with my surgeon tomorrow and I hope to get a little but more in the restriction department so that I don't have to worry so much about what I eat.

Progress Pics!

2010-08-02T17:18:00.000-05:00

Since I am almost 2 months out, I figured it was time for some progress pics.

Wow looking at these side by side... amazing the change in just 2 months! Can't wait to see the year out ones!

I had to buy....

2010-08-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

NEW UNDERWEAR!!!!!!!!!!! My undies were getting really loose, so I thought that I would go try some and I was wearing a 9, but bought a 7 this time! I have lost 5 inches in my hip area so this made a big difference. No more pulling up my drawers when I walk! Can you tell I am excited?

Meltdown Challenge

2010-08-01T08:42:00.000-05:00

I just sent in my final weight picture. This has been so much fun! Good luck to all & don't forget to turn in your pictures today. Here's to hoping I made it in the top 3. Momma needs some new pants... these are falling off my butt and my secretaries are concerned!