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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Going to be traveling soon!

So I have come to the conclusion that mom isn't doing too well.  She just isn't right.  Dad has mentioned to her that she needs to go to grief counseling.  She won't have anything to do with it.  I think that he is right.  Anyway, she is miserable.  I understand that she lost her son, but she is going a bit overboard.  She has days where she doesn't get out of bed, nights that she doesn't sleep, and just all around funk.  I think of the family that Maria mentioned where the son was killed in a sledding accident at age 8 and how that mother is going to handle all of this. 

My mother's situation is a little strange in the fact that my parents live in a RV.  My father works as a project engineer for a company.  When my brother passed away, they were in the process of finishing a project in Austin and moving to San Diego.  They came home (Illinois) from Austin for arrangements and never returned.  Their RV was transported to San Diego and met them there.  So my father is starting a new project working 6 days a week and my mother is living in 800 sq ft.  alone in a new place where she doesn't know anyone.  Normally this isn't an issue, but with fresh grief it is not going well. 

So I have decided that I am going on a surprise visit at the end of the month!  I talked to my dad today and he loved the idea and suggested that I spend my brother's birthday because he thinks that will be a difficult day.  I am planning on flying in on a Sunday afternoon (my dads only day off).  She will only know when they come to the airport to get me!  I will spend the week with her and then come home.  My husband has been gracious enough to even suggest that the 2 year old stay home!  AWESOME!

Any suggestions on helping her through this?

8 comments:

Shannon said...

When my brother passed the best thing to do was just be there. I tried getting my parents out of the house as much as I could but in the long run it was better just having me there so I could hold there hand or watch TV with them. Good luck with everything.

Lynda said...

I think that is an amazing thing you're doing for your mother.

Ronnie said...

Maybe even just talking about some good childhood memories would help, when my brother passed, we all talked about the trouble he'd gotten into as a teenager and had some laughs.

Violinist with a Band said...

Thats such a wonderful idea! I think your mom will really appreciate it. Maybe you could just be there to listen, but also be there to say "hey, I'm going for a walk outside...why don't you come with me", just to start getting her out and about.

Amanda said...

I think this is a fantastic idea! And I think you will be such a help for your mother! Plan some fun things to do..things that might get her used to a "new" place! As far as grief help, I am not sure I have much advice. I would said keep things positive. Like Ronnie mentioned...talk about funny things instead of dark things. Maybe memories that aren't commenly talked about. So that when you leave she has some new things to think about! Amen for your hubs too!!

MandaPanda said...

I think this is a great idea! I agree with others. Just your presence will make things easier. Just don't avoid the issue. Talk about your brother and all the wonderful times you had with him. It may help her focus on the good times as opposed to the loss.

~Lisa~ said...

I think your being with her is a terrific idea. As a Mom, I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is going through. Maybe just having someone to talk to, someone to remember with, someone to share her emotions... You are so wonderful to be going to help her, and I am sending my prayers with you..

Bonnie said...

That's great that you are going to be with her. Just being there is what she needs most.

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