Original Goal... I did it!



I hit goal once... I CAN do it again!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dreading Christmas

I am completely dreading Christmas this year.  I am making it through for my children.  Trying to show them some normalcy.  I go back to work tomorrow.  I am hoping that some routine in my life will help me deal.  I guess I just wish we knew why. We won't have results from the autopsy for 6-8 weeks.  I am having the most problem with the fact that people don't just not wake up at age 30 that often.  The funeral director thinks that he may have been gone for a day or two before he was found.  We found his phone and I was fortunate enough to be the last call that was answered.  We had a great conversation, and I feel blessed by that.  My mother texted with him later that day.  I am so sorry that I am rambling today.  I feel like the past week has been a blur.  My parents are staying until after Christmas, then they start driving out to California for their next project.  I am going to miss them.  I am also going to miss having family here.  I only had the one sibling.  We were close and he was the only family I had in the area.  It is going to be so different not having him here.  I am getting worried about my husband.  He seems to be dropping into a depression.  He was also very close to my brother.  My husband is not close to his family, he always said that he preferred to hang out with mine.  I can't complain about that at all! 

I have to say that when I did the photo dvd for the funeral, I couldn't find a photo where I wasn't fat as an adult.  I was very proud to be wearing a size 12 dress that evening (probably could have worn a 10, but they didn't have one)!  Oh and I did my measurements today...  I have lost 50.5 inches!  12 inches of that came from my hips!  Thank you Lap-Band!

14 comments:

~Lisa~ (Mrs C) said...

Oh Heather, my heart breaks for what you and your family are going through.. (((hugsssss)))

Know that you are all in my thoughts and in my prayers, always......

Maree said...

Heather, I'm so sorry to read about your loss. Wishing you strength to get through this awful time.

Bec said...

*hugs* and well done on your measurements.

Rachel said...

I'm glad that you had a wonderful talk with your brother. Seems like he knew he was loved...that is a precious thing. Sending warm thoughts...Thanks for blogging and sharing...I'm glad you are healthier and fit this year. 50.5 is amazingly great!

Justawallflower said...

(((hugs))) I can't even imagine what you are going through.

Wow, 50.5? that is beyond comprehension for me! Awesome!

Alison said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, can only imagine how awful it must be.

Your inch loss is fantastic, well done.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved brother. I can't imagine that. I lost my mom 8 years ago, and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I will pray for you and your family during this holiday season. Great job on you weight loss and inches lost so far!

MandaPanda said...

So so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine how hard it is to wrap your mind around what happened. My thoughts are with you and your family.

-Grace- said...

*HUGS*

Amanda said...

You have been on my mind so much over the last week. Some how in the light of all this you can see the importance of your health for your family not only vanity. Not saying your vain my dear but even I can't wait to go shopping when I am 50lbs down. Thank you for reminding me again why I am doing this. It is always hard to support others when we are in the deepest darkest place. Cling close to each other.

amandakiska said...

I'm so sorry. I wish there were words that would make it better.

Sam said...

I am sorry for your loss, sending {{HUGS}} your way.

Dinnerland said...

I also want to say I am so sorry... holidays are always hard when you've lost a loved one, and particularly hard when the loss is tragic, unexpected and recent. Please hang in there and if your husband is feeling depressed, would he consider going to see a therapist?? I hope you and your family will access whatever grief support you need.

Christine said...

I'm so sorry, Heather. Just wake up every day and try to get through the day. And lavish love onto your kids. HUGS!

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