About to head off to Sunny San Diego!

And mom still doesn't know!  I am so proud of myself for being able to keep this secret from her.  I have talked to dad several times and he seems excited about it too.  He is really excited that mom doesn't know.  I leave on Sunday and will be back on Monday a week later.  My dad is only off work on Sundays so if I am to spend any time with him I have to stay that extra Sunday.  I am really excited.  I know that this trip is going to be emotionally draining, but I think it will be an integral part of the healing process for all of us.

I hope that I can get my mom out of the house and walking and such.  She really needs the air, to meet people and I will go insane if I don't get my exercise.  I am still on a downward trek and am 1 pound away from a new decade.  I will be so excited to see that one.  I was putting some stuff away the other day and came across some of my medical records that I had when I got my insurance approval.  I officially weigh less than when I had my gall bladder surgery in 2001!  I was a skinny mini then.  That started my upward trek.  A 10 year odyssey!    I am so glad to be there.  I still want to lose about 15 more pounds.  I will get there, it just will take time...  Maybe the Spring Challenge will get me going! I need some motivation!

ABC's of me!

I love these little survey's. Since so many were posted today, I guessed I should join in!

(A) Age: 35
(B) Bed Size: King
(C) Chore You Hate: Emptying the dishwasher, loading the dishwasher, anything that has to do with dishes
(D) Dogs? none... cat person actually
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Coffee
(F) Favorite Color: Green
(G) Gold or Silver? Silver
(H) Height: 5'2"
(I) Instruments You Play: none
(J) Job Title: Probation Officer
(K) Kids: 3 boys (stepson 19, 15, 10) 1 girl (2)
(L) Live: Southern Illinois
(M) Mom's Name: Debbie
(N) Nicknames: Honey
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Kidney infection while pregnant with my first, and then with each of my 3 babies.
(P) Pet Peeve: Stupid people
(Q) Quote from a Movie: hmmm... have to think about that one
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right
(S) Siblings: 1 brother who passed away this year at age 30
(T) Time You Wake Up? 6am
(U) Underwear: Hanes Hipsters
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Cooked Carrots
(W) What Makes You Run Late: I have 3 kids at home, any questions?
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: teeth, kidneys
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Chicken strips with Panko crumbs. The kids won't eat fried Chicken strips anymore, they prefer these!
(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Penguins

What is Normal?

As I approach "normal" on the BMI scale, I wonder what is "normal?"  I am not ready to stop losing yet.  I have a goal in 17 lbs.  I just wonder what the societal definition of normal is.  I have talked about work before and how we all have worked together (14 of us) for 7 years.  We know everything there is to know about each other and can tell by a look what mood the other is in.  The guys in the office LOVE that we have the same cycle too.  After spending the past 7 years with these people, no one thinks twice about telling you that you have a pimple or a nose hair sticking out.  Sickly there are some that say... let me take care of that!  Back to my story.  The people at work are telling me that I am getting too thin.  I still have a serious stomach on me and my thighs still look like a butt, but they are telling me that I am getting to thin.  I think and think that maybe they are right, but I don't want to stop.  I don't hit "normal" BMI for another 6 lbs.

I don't remember if I talked about the problem that I came across a couple of weeks ago with underwear.  (Not the husband problem)  I am 5'2" and am very small boned.  At my largest, I still wore a size 6 ring (I am working on a 4.5 now).  My mother would order me bracelets in children's sizes and I was morbidly obese.  As I lose, I am definitely getting smaller.  So I went to buy new underwear again and looking at sizing, I bought the smallest size on the shelf.  They fit really well.  So I got thinking that if I lose 20 more pounds,  that would definitely be another underwear size.  What am I to do, I have bought the smallest size they carry at Walmart.  The ladies at work suggested Dora panties, but they are just bitches anyway.  LOL  Seriously, am I going to have to resort to Dora panties??????  

Date night tonight!

So my Valentine's gift from my husband was a date tonight.  We haven't been on a date since my daughter was born in November 2008.  Babysitting has been an issue for us and we no longer have any family in the area.  My husband has arranged all of this himself.  I am excited.

I went on Wednesday and got my fill back that I had taken out in January.  I have calmed down a bit and started eating... and eating... and eating!  Finally, after I ate everything in my desk at work one day, I called my surgeon's office and they got me in 2 days later!  Thank goodness.  I am not having the trouble with this fill level like I was last time.

I am having issue with something though and I don't know how to deal with it.  I feel like I may be falling into a depression.  I haven't had the desire or energy to spend any "quality time" with the hubby lately.  I spend most of my time sitting in a chair where a month ago, I would have been exercising.  I don't know what is up with me.  I have been avoiding talking to my mother too much as I am afraid I will slip and tell her I am coming to visit next weekend, but I don't think that is it.  I just feel down.  Maybe a stage through this process?  I do have a question for you all though.  I want to buy my mother a grief book to take her when I go out to visit next weekend.  Any suggestions?  I have her some other things too, but this she really needs.  Well time is up for my computer time this morning.  I need to go and get ready for work.  Juvenile Delinquents will be waiting today!!!  No school so I am BUSY!  Have a great one!

So I was cleaning...

I was cleaning out some drawers this weekend and came across some other drawers.  OMG!  Those "other" drawers scared me!  I have had a picture post in my mind for a couple of days, but haven't found all of my equipment and my parents also came in from California for a quick visit this weekend.  Anyway, I will get to that one soon. 

Back to the drawers...  I found what I thought were all gone... a pair of my "before" panties.  OK well really granny bloomers, but we will just call them panties.  I showed my husband and he said "oh that isn't bad, can't you still wear them?"  I then proceeded to lay them on the bed and put a pair I wear now on top.  The result was this...

Why are men such visual creatures?  The post in my mind is coming soon!  As soon as I find my "equipment"...

8 months ago...

8 months ago today, I was scared to death waiting to go in for surgery the next day.  I also took the time to take some photos.  I am so glad I did!  This odyssey that I have been on has had ups, downs, lefts, and rights, but I never want to go back to the place that I was when I took these photos.  Please excuse the size difference...  I totally look like I also shrunk a couple of feet too!  I guess I moved the camera further back this time.  Enjoy!

I truly am a mini me!  I can't imagine being that big!

Going to be traveling soon!

So I have come to the conclusion that mom isn't doing too well.  She just isn't right.  Dad has mentioned to her that she needs to go to grief counseling.  She won't have anything to do with it.  I think that he is right.  Anyway, she is miserable.  I understand that she lost her son, but she is going a bit overboard.  She has days where she doesn't get out of bed, nights that she doesn't sleep, and just all around funk.  I think of the family that Maria mentioned where the son was killed in a sledding accident at age 8 and how that mother is going to handle all of this. 

My mother's situation is a little strange in the fact that my parents live in a RV.  My father works as a project engineer for a company.  When my brother passed away, they were in the process of finishing a project in Austin and moving to San Diego.  They came home (Illinois) from Austin for arrangements and never returned.  Their RV was transported to San Diego and met them there.  So my father is starting a new project working 6 days a week and my mother is living in 800 sq ft.  alone in a new place where she doesn't know anyone.  Normally this isn't an issue, but with fresh grief it is not going well. 

So I have decided that I am going on a surprise visit at the end of the month!  I talked to my dad today and he loved the idea and suggested that I spend my brother's birthday because he thinks that will be a difficult day.  I am planning on flying in on a Sunday afternoon (my dads only day off).  She will only know when they come to the airport to get me!  I will spend the week with her and then come home.  My husband has been gracious enough to even suggest that the 2 year old stay home!  AWESOME!

Any suggestions on helping her through this?