Original Goal... I did it!

I hit goal once... I CAN do it again!

Friday, December 31, 2010

New year, new life

I start 2011 much unlike 2010.  I am not making a new year's resolution to lose weight.  This is the first year in decades that I am not doing that.  Yes I am still overweight for about 15 more lbs, but I know that I can obtain what I am wanting weightwise in this year without having to change anything that I am doing now.  That is a powerful feeling! 

I also start 2011 without my really good friend, my brother.  I have been really silent in the blogging world lately as I have been having a really difficult time dealing with his loss.  The holidays haven't helped, I guess.  I went today to pick up his truck.  It was difficult to drive it home as it smelled like him.  I now have to clean it and sell it.  That is going to be a very difficult time for me.  I guess it still doesn't feel real because we still don't know what happened.  It may be another month before we get the results of the autopsy and they won't tell us anything until toxicology comes back. 

I also start 2011 sixty pounds lighter than 2010.  That is a major accomplishment.  I feel so much lighter!  I have energy and don't require as much sleep.  I can get up off the floor after playing with my kids without pain.  I look to 2011 to be my time to heal! 

Sunday, December 26, 2010


Wow!  I didn't think that I would make it!  Today I am claiming 60 lbs gone forever.  I actually hit the number a week ago, but with the holiday week I didn't want to claim it yet.  I have kept it off and I am also glad to report that my weight free fall has let up.  Thank god I can eat again! With the insurance change I have been going through, I am not approved for another appointment until January 19.  If I was needing an unfill it was going to get really crazy!

The holiday was rough.  The family made it through ok.  I got really sad as I put up the tree and decorations today as when I bring them out again, Bill will have been gone a year.  That was probably the roughest thing I have encountered yet.  My parents left this morning.  They have been in town since right after my brother passed.  They are on a 4 day drive to their new home (parking spot) in California.  They may actually pass up their house on the way!  My parent live in an RV.  My father works as an engineer for a company in which he travels the country for projects.  Their home was already supposed to be in California, but something went wrong with the freight company and with the holiday, it was just picked up today in Austin, TX.  I am in great hopes that my mother doesn't fall into a depression in a new place where she doesn't know anyone and dealing with the great grief. 

Christmas involved a lot of tears, but I think that we held it together well for the kids.  They had a wonderful holiday and I managed to surprise each of them with their gifts.  It is really neat to see the differences in Christmas in kids close up with the age range of my kids.  At home we have two boys 15 (in 2 weeks), and 10.  One girl age 2.  We also have an older boy (my stepson since he was 2) who is 19.  He got engaged this Christmas.  I really like the girl.  I wish him the best. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Holiday Challenge

I can't believe that I won! I didn't even think that I was in the running at all. I have to give this one to my brother. He totally made that happen. I have lost 11 lbs since he died. I totally haven't resorted to food to soothe my sorrows. That is another victory in itself! 

I got the email from Kristen and didn't believe her.  Thank you all for all of your support in everything.  I am still shocked.  I do have to take a bit to figure out where I want the gift card from as that thought hadn't crossed my mind at all!  Congratulations to all of the participants.  I can't believe that we lost almost 400 lbs!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Feeling Better

I am feeling better today.  I almost feel like life is back to some form of normal.  I know it won't ever be the same.  I am going to make cookies with my 10 year old today.  I had promised him that we would make them last weekend before our tragedy struck.  I need to spend some time with him.

I go back to work full time tomorrow.  I have a busy day so that will keep my mind busy. 

I weighed in for the challenge today.  I lost 15.6 lbs over the term of the challenge.  I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I don't eat my way through stress anymore.  It is the exact opposite.  My husband is now calling it the anorexia diet.  It is far from that!  I have been having more protein shakes as my band is really tight right now.  I had chili for lunch yesterday along with some cucumbers and dip.  For dinner, I had 4 shrimp in scampi sauce.  He just doesn't understand band portions.  I have lost a bunch of weight in the past week and a half.  It is so strange to me.  I actually cussed my brother while I stood on the scale yesterday.  I thanked him for the loss, but told him he could have totally come up with a better way to help me.  (a little more colorful words were chosen at my house)  I am totally disinterested in food.  I don't remember to eat.  It is very different from how I handled stress in the past.   My mother on the other hand has had her hand in the chocolate bowl constantly for the past week and a half!  So glad I am no longer in that position! 

I finally finished my Christmas shopping last night.  I was beginning to think that I was going to be one of those idiots out on Christmas eve!  (No offense if you like that sort of thing)  I am so glad to be finished.  I only have to wrap what I picked up today, so that won't take long and everything is in a nice square box!  Gotta take the small victories where you can find them!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dreading Christmas

I am completely dreading Christmas this year.  I am making it through for my children.  Trying to show them some normalcy.  I go back to work tomorrow.  I am hoping that some routine in my life will help me deal.  I guess I just wish we knew why. We won't have results from the autopsy for 6-8 weeks.  I am having the most problem with the fact that people don't just not wake up at age 30 that often.  The funeral director thinks that he may have been gone for a day or two before he was found.  We found his phone and I was fortunate enough to be the last call that was answered.  We had a great conversation, and I feel blessed by that.  My mother texted with him later that day.  I am so sorry that I am rambling today.  I feel like the past week has been a blur.  My parents are staying until after Christmas, then they start driving out to California for their next project.  I am going to miss them.  I am also going to miss having family here.  I only had the one sibling.  We were close and he was the only family I had in the area.  It is going to be so different not having him here.  I am getting worried about my husband.  He seems to be dropping into a depression.  He was also very close to my brother.  My husband is not close to his family, he always said that he preferred to hang out with mine.  I can't complain about that at all! 

I have to say that when I did the photo dvd for the funeral, I couldn't find a photo where I wasn't fat as an adult.  I was very proud to be wearing a size 12 dress that evening (probably could have worn a 10, but they didn't have one)!  Oh and I did my measurements today...  I have lost 50.5 inches!  12 inches of that came from my hips!  Thank you Lap-Band!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Thank you!

I have been absolutely astounded by the outpouring of love and condolences that I have received from my blogger family!  Thank you so much.  I have appreciated every word. 

My family and I have been working through the pain.  Rather than a funeral we had a celebration of his life!  There were a lot of laughs and not so many tears.  Of course, I have had my share of tears.  My husband who has had a hard time showing his emotions sometimes has been absolutely amazing.  He hasn't left my side. 

I think that things will be up and down for a bit.  Especially, since my brother was the only member of my family who lived near me. 

On another note, although this isn't the best way for this to happen, I have lost 5 lbs this week!  I really didn't think that I would make it to my holiday goal of 150.  I had given up on that.  I am sitting now at 153 so it is really possible! 

Friday, December 10, 2010

I can't even muster a catchy title

I posted yesterday about my 6 month bandiversary and how much better I felt.  I look good, I felt good, all was going well for me.  About an hour or two after that post, my world came to a crashing halt.  Please bear with me as I type this out. 

I was very tired yesterday morning.  I went to work because I had a client coming in and I hate to cancel.  After a long conversation with my mother on the phone it was decided that I would leave work at 10am to go home and get some rest.  She did however ask me to stop by my brother's house as he hadn't called her back.  This happened often, she is just overbearing sometimes.  I left work and drove to my brothers.  When I arrived I knew there was a problem.  At that moment my phone rang again, my mother, my brother was dead.  The police were already there as my cousin who was his roommate had found him this morning.  I just happened upon the scene.  Heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe my feelings right now.  He was 30.  They are saying that he died in his sleep.  Possibly sleep-apnea.  Autopsy is scheduled for tomorrow. 

This does however give me another fight at obesity.  My brother was 5'9 and probably weighed 325-350.  He battled his weight all of his adult life.  He was watching me very closely and wanted to look into the band when he got a job with health insurance.  He had battled depression brought on my many things.  His weight was one of them.  He was not married and did not have children.  That upset him too.  I will miss my only sibling greatly, but I totally understand now that obesity is nothing to mess around with. 

Sunday I found out I am going to be a grandma.  Wednesday, my mother in law had a mild heart attack, and how this.  My parents are on the long drive home.  My husband has been better than I could have ever imagined in helping me cope.  If I disappear for a little while you will understand why.  I may however need to type out some feelings.  If that is the case, please bear with me...
RIP Bill, I love you.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

This day

This day marks 6 months since I changed my life in a momentous way.  6 months ago I received my lap band and it has given me more than I could have ever imagined.  I have lost 40 lbs since I began my pre-op diet.  I have lost 52 total with the insurance diet.  I feel like a new person.  Granted, I still have a ways to go but I have the knowledge that I WILL get to where I want to.  This was definately the best decision of my life.  Here are some comparison shots.  I took them into work yesterday and showed them to my bff.  Her comment was "you never were that big!"  Yes I was! 

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I have been scarce the past few days for good reason. My husband and I have been dealing with the realization that we are getting old! I will just add a quick post update to announce that I am going to be a GRANDMA! AT 35! WTF!? I am still about to fall over. My stepson is 19. I have been his other mommy since he was 2 so he is practically mine. They are due in July. I am happy for him. I told my husband who was having real trouble with the news that Jacob is older than now than he was when Jacob was born.

So does anybody have any good experience advise for being a young grandma. Like calling something other than grandma? I will however make sure that I am a sexy one!!!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The ULTIMATE F word!

I absolutely loved this balloon when I saw it.  I have been flirting with 50 lbs lost for  awhile.  I got a small .5 fill on Monday and here it is!  Oh what a wonderful day!  My trip for the fill on Monday was an adventure in itself.  In a previous post I talked about my insurance woes and to change my appointment that had been set for yesterday I  had to drive 4 hours one way for fill appointment.  I am so glad that I made that drive in the pouring rain and all. 

My insurance mess seems to be working itself out in a way that is better than I could have ever imagined.  Lets hope the plan holds (my union is involved as this situation isn't the best for everyone), because this is almost too good to be true in my personal situation!  They are giving me the deal that if I decline health insurance at my employer and make hubbys primary they will set up a medical reimbursement program for my family that will pay all of our copays and prescriptions!  All for $24 a YEAR!  I really hope that this holds.   I am also thanking the good Lord that I was able to get my surgery this year with both insurances.  I have my 6 month bandiversary in a couple of days.  With hitting 50 lbs I think that I will put some pictures up for that one that I have been holding out on.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

What I am Thankful for...

With Thanksgiving in the States upon us tomorrow, it is time to think about what we are thankful for.  I want to start firstly and say that I am thankful for my family.  Those of you that have read my whole blog would notice that my husband and I have been married twice.  Today marks 7 years from our divorce.  It is almost surreal to look back at that day and realize what I have now!  I am thankful that we both had the guts to grow up and realize that we found that person that we were supposed to be with for the rest of our lives when we were 18 and 20.  I am thankful that we both remained open to the idea of giving it another go.  It is so much better this time around!! 

I am thankful that I have 3 healthy children.  I know so many who deal with illness in their family.  Though they deal with it with dignity and strength, I know it must be difficult.  I am also thankful for my health which I have regained control of this year. 

This past weekend, my husband I went to spread the ashes of a really good friend who lost his life unexpectedly earlier this year.  A lot of emotions were involved in that day.  His family chose not to be involved.  I am thankful that my family would have been there without question had it been me. 

Even though it has been a trying week at work, I am thankful that I am able to have a job.  So many don't right now.  My husband has to take a furlough day today, but at least on Monday he has a job to go back to.  The management at my job is toying with our insurance.  I will have to drive 4.5 hours one way to go to my next appointment as I need to get it in before changes happen.  I am thankful that I have that option and ability. 

If I don't make it to post again before Thanksgiving, I wish all of my American friends a grand holiday.  All of my worldly friends, a safe day.  And most importantly, even if it isn't a holiday never forget what you are thankful for in your life.  You never know when it could change.  I love you all and thank you for your support in this journey of my life!

Friday, November 19, 2010

What I eat

I didn't have much extra time yesterday to post this as I meant to.  Thank you Lap Band Gal for suggesting this.  It is so helpful for new ideas.

6:00 am Coffee with 1tbs 2% milk and splenda. (30 cal)

7:00am Protein shake (Pure Protein all naturals vanilla) mixed with hot coffee and a packet of splenda.  If you ever missed Cappuccino, you won't have to again!  (130 cal)

10:00am  Zone bar.  I prefer the Cinnamon Roll or  Kashi Roll peanut carmel (approx. 240 cal)

12:00pm  I am very lucky and live 1 mile from my office so I am able to come home at lunch and have time to cook something.  I usually have a cup of healthy choice soup.  (120)  or 8 cocktail shrimp with cocktail sauce (100), or a grilled chicken tender (70).

5:30 I usually eat whatever the family is having for dinner as I try to cook healthy for them.  Last night we had the thin (breakfast) cuts of pork chops approx 2 oz baked covered with carmelized onions. (approx  185 cal)  2 tbs of mashed potatoes (2 % milk, light butter) (65 cal), 1/2 cup broccoli (27).  My children love all foods so it is easy for us to eat well at home as they will eat anything!  I try to keep calories for dinner under 500 for a normal portion for the family so mine is going to be less than that.

So I end up usually about 800 calories.  That is what I try to keep it at.  I hope this helps!

Thursday, November 18, 2010


This morning has been a complete whirlwind.  I get to work this morning and get a call from our union steward.  She is telling me about a meeting on Monday to discuss what happened at the meeting with the employer yesterday.  Anyway, I can tell that she is pissed off, so I ask her to share.   She knows that I will not say a word to anyone in my office until after the "official" meeting on Monday.  Boy am I glad she shared because it was a real issue for me. 

Our contract expires on November 30.  The jist of the meeting yesterday was that they are changing our insurance (completely), they have already signed contract for said insurance.  We had no idea that this was even being talked about.  AND said new insurance is going to cost us $110 dollars a month more.  My dilema is that I have a secondary insurance through my husband.  I was able to get my band without owning anything.  I however do not want to pay $170 a month for insurance if I don't really have to as I am post op.  Employer is not saying this to anyone, nor have they mentioned to anyone that November is open enrollement.  So they just figure they are going to spring this new insurance on us Dec 1, take first payment $85 out of paycheck on Dec 3.  It won't be open enrollment anymore, so changes can't be made without penalties and you are stuck paying for a year.  I have no problem dropping this insurance as I am covered by husband also, but the problem I have is my next fill appointment is DEC 1!  What timing.  Also, my doctors last day before Dec 1 was yesterday.  So in order to have appointment before insurance changes, I have to drive 4 hours ONE WAY! 

I called my husbands insurance and they said that they can't change to primary until Dec 1.  Pre-authorization has to be made for fill appts as Bariatric Surgeon is not contracted in my region.  Pre-authorization will not be approved as secondary, so I have no choice but to drive for next appointment.  Geez, totally what I want to do right after Thanksgiving!  I was able to get an appointment on Monday November 29.  That will give me 6-8 weeks to set up new appointment and straighten out this mess.  I am just SO GLAD that union steward confided in me!  I couldn't imagine trying to figure all of this out next week with the holiday!

Monday, November 15, 2010


Before I lost the weight that I have, TOM didn't have that much of an effect on me.  At least that I noticed... I never remember being so in tune with period. Now on the other had, this is ridiculous!  My fingers swell, I eat like a ravenous monster, and my family really realizes something is going on!  My weight loss stalls for a week...  Let's hope I keep the 3lbs I lost for the challenge this week!  After TOM leaves my house though, I usually end up in another decade.  That is is only reason for putting up with this is that loss.  Here's to hoping for the 150's. 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What a difference a year makes!

I posted on Friday with a story of my life over the past year.  As I was going through some pictures, I found a good comparison that I would like to share.

I probably need to email that one to my mom!


As part of my reading of new to me bloggers, I came across a wonderful blogger Beanne at  Lady Lap Band!  She is giving away a set of Jackie Warner's Power Circuit Training & (1) Set - Hand Weights! Click here to enter!   What a great giveaway!  Back to reading...

Don't forget...

For those of you participating,the second week weigh in for the Holiday Challenge is due today. I went through the working list on Kristen's page and started following all of the challengers that I didn't already follow. It looks like I have a lot of catching up to do! Good luck to everyone. I am off to read some new blogs now!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wow has it been that long!?

I guess that it has been a bit since I have been around.  Life has gotten in the way, I guess.  That being said, life is good!  Today is my daughters 2nd birthday.  I feel like this day is really the beginning of this lap band journey.  I had a lot of complications throughout my last pregnancy.  She ended up being born at 35.5 weeks due to pre-eclampsia.  (I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!)  I had lost out big on the diet battle right before getting pregnant and had gained 15lbs the two months prior to getting pregnant.  Pregnancy didn't help much and I really watched my weight during my pregnancy.  I cried and cried the day that scale had to be moved to 200.  (I'm 5'2")  On the day before she was born, I weighed 210.  I had gestational diabetes.  I was taking at least 3 insulin shots a day.  The doctors promised me that the diabetes would go away.  Hailey was born healthy and 6lbs 1oz.  For my 6 week checkup, I got on the scale still weighing 210 WTF!?  I have a baby right here, how in the h*ll do I still weigh 210!?  My diabetes had not resolved itself.  Neither had my blood pressure.  What was I to do? I was devastated once again.  I went to my PCP and was put on several medications.  I was 33 years old.  I had to pick up the grandma bag at the pharmacy each month.  It was horrible.

After my daughter's first birthday, I still weighed 208.  I had reserved myself that I was going to stay fat.  I wasn't happy about it, but my body was fighting every attempt at losing this weight.  I felt horrible all of the time.  I had no energy, and I couldn't get on the floor to play with my little girl.  If I got down there, there was no chance of getting up again. 

In January of this year, I really started looking into the lap band.  I checked on my insurance and it was a covered benefit.  I never would have been able to afford otherwise.  I started my diet requirement for my insurance.  The first month I lost 2lbs.  Second month 2lbs.  Geez I was getting frustrated!   I was so glad that my insurance diet was only 3 months as I would have probably given up if it had been 6. 

I got my surgery date set up for June 9.  It was right after my birthday.  I was excited and scared all at the same time.  I have been having so much trouble losing weight, would it still be that way? 

Fast forward 5 months.  I am flirting with 50 lbs lost.  I am so close.  I would have never thought at Hailey's last birthday that I would be where I am today.  I am able to move.  I am able to chase her if I need to.  I feel wonderful.  I still have 35 lbs to go.  The glory in that is that I know that I will get there.  The uncertainty is no longer lurking.  I also have been able to be in pictures with  my family.  That is a great feeling.

Thank you for sticking with me through my story.  I credit each and every one of you with helping me through my weight loss.  The statistics say that those who attend support groups and such lose more weight than those who don't.  As I am 3.5 hours from my surgeon's office and there aren't any closer support groups for me to attend, you gals are my support group. 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Holiday Challenge

For everyone who has joined the Holiday Challenge, don't forget to send your scale shot to Kristen today! I am definately ready to get back into my exercising. I can't pass up a challenge. My goal is 12lbs during the challenge. 

This week has been a whirlwind. Work has been slow, I have been sick. I would thank all for the great pick me ups when I was really down. I had intense vertigo that day. It was the weirdest thing. 

I hope that everyone is starting to gear up for the holidays!  I am thinking that this one is going to be fabulous!  We are planning on having a nice home holiday this year.  In years past we have travelled to different places for holiday celebrations.  My husband's Christmas gift from his employer was 4 furlough days.  They promised as this was being discussed in previous months that they would spread them out as to not cause hardships.  Well what it has came down to is hitting 3 out of 4 paychecks during the holidays because they are telling us what days that they have to take.  This sucks ass.  How is that not supposed to cause hardships? 

My question now on this whole furlough thing is whether daycare is going to close for a "paid holiday" on those dates.  Our daycare works on the schedule of the university.  If the university is closed to staff then they are closed, but full payment is due.  It will be a big double whammy if we have to pay for daycare on a not getting paid day even if she isn't there.  Currently my daycare costs twice the amount of my house payment every month!  Kindergarten can't come fast enough for me!

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my band?  I really am enjoying this process.  I feel better than I have in years.  I have hope.  That is something that had been lacking in previous years.  I think that is why I am really looking forward to the holiday season this year.  I am not worried about all of the food that will be around, as even if I eat everything I want, I won't be able to eat enough to impede my process.  That is a wonderful feeling!  I definately won't be able to eat 3 of the sam's club packages of baklava this year.  Thank god! 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I hate using sick days to actually be sick!

I don't know about anyone else, but it really seems like the waste of a perfectly good sick day when you are actually sick. I woke up in the middle of the night with flu-like symptoms. As I was sitting in the bathroom this morning, I felt as if I needed to throw up. I heaved for a while (I know TMI), but nothing more than spit came up. I am was worried the whole time as to whether an actual vomit would come up through my band. How does that work? Does it make a super projectile or something? Could I slip my band? Too much to worry about. I must have looked like total hell today as my husband said, "I hope that you aren't going to work today, stay home sick." So here I am, home, sick.

I hope that I feel better later, but right now it isn't looking good. I totally hope that I feel better this weekend. My husband and the boys are going on a boy scout campout. My daughter and I are going to spend her last weekend as a one year old having a total girls weekend. Pedicures and hair curlers and all! She loves to have her toes done! I can't believe that she will be two next week!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I fixed my page!

Ok so I am a complete retard! I had a bunch of returns entered after my ticker. Not sure how they got there, but I was able to get rid of them. Crisis averted!

Monday, November 1, 2010


Well my husband usually isn't too much of a pain in the rear, but there are days that I really wonder what their purpose is on this earth.  I talked in my last post about the laptop going down.  We had taken the desktop away from the kids, so until I hooked that back up, I was on the Wii for internet.  Anyway, the desktop is all hooked back up, but that isn't good enough for him.  He calls me today and wants me to take off work early so that we can go laptop shopping.  Not that we really need one right now, and not that we are a bit short on money right now, and not that Christmas isn't just around the corner.  MEN!  Geez!  His excuse was, "I don't need to spend all that time in the basement."  Now mind you our basement is just as nice as the rest of the house.  He just wanted an excuse.  Well he got his laptop, but I won't touch it until he gets it all set up the way that he wants it.  I guess that I can use it against him later when I want something.  I just needed to vent!

Bandwise, the week is going well.  I am still flirting with that new low.  Hopefully it will stick soon.  I am having female issues right now.  ie the period that seems like it will never end!  3 weeks off and on at this point.  I HATE my Mirena!!!!!  I was able to stay away from the Halloween candy.  I had one fun size butterfinger.  I didn't think that was too bad!  I really haven't wanted anything else.  I love my band.

I am getting excited for the new Holiday Challenge!  Hopefully, I will be able to post more when the laptop is up and running.  It is really hard to find time to get down here.  My daughter is currently standing at the gate at the top of the stair yelling MAMA! MAMA! 

Does anyone know how to fix the top of my blog?  All of this space just appeared the other day and I can't for the life of me figure out what the h*ll happened.   I didn't change anything, it just appeared.  Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am an html retard!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Well as we head onward...

It appears that there is a new challenge upon us!  Kristen has been so gracious as to keep track of another challenge for us.  Even as she is busy planning her wedding!  Thank you Kristen.  Joey has made a wonderful icon for us.  Joey always does an amazing job on those.  I am ready to go! 

Some of you may have noticed that my comments the past day or so have been short and sweet.  Our laptop went to heaven and I had been typing on the Wii!  I have the old desktop up and running now.  Weight is going well.  I saw a new low this morning.  It will take a couple of days to own it though. 

I need to get heading to get everyone in the house out of bed and ready to start their day.  Have a great one! 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Never trust a hiccup!

At work this morning I had to drive the the detention facility for my juveniles which is about 40 miles away.  It was a nice day, no problems.  Well I was starving on the way home, so I ran through Arby's drive thru for some loaded potato bites (I know not the best choice, but something I thought I could eat while driving).  I get out on the highway and start eating.  Things are not going well.  I know better than to eat and drive.  I pull over and get the roll of diaper bags that I keep in my purse for times like this.  I promptly pb in the baggie.  All is well, I feel fine again.  I don't even try to eat anymore. 

About 12 miles down the road, I am still feeling fine.  No stuck feelings or tightness at all.  I so however feel a hiccup.  Not a big deal, I do that a lot since being banded.  Well not such a little deal...  I proceeded to bring up a PILE of slime.  WHILE DRIVING!  It is all over my shirt, pants, and leaking between my legs onto the cloth seats of the get this... company vehicle!  OMG!!  I frantically look, I have NO Napkins anywhere!  Needless to say I drove the additional 20 miles back to the office covered in slime.  I walked in and told the secretary that I was going home for lunch and if anybody needed the car, talk them out of it and I would explain later.  Anyone know how to get a pile of slime out of cloth seats?  It looks like I peed in it!  I came home and showered.  I still need to go back and clean it up.  I hope that no one needs to use the car!

Monday, October 25, 2010


I look at the clock and realize that it is going to be a long night. My daughter (will be 2 in a couple of weeks) is already asleep.  I hope that she stays.  She got to spend the day with the 2 year old class today, so maybe she played extra hard at school today. 

I had a wonderful day today.  I spend a lot of time just amazed at how much better I feel all of the time.  I feel light and airy,  not tired and dragged down.  I can only imagine that this will keep getting better and better the further I get into this.  I still haven't hit 6 months out yet.  I am hoping to get to 150 lbs by new years.  It is totally doable as that is 12 lbs in 10 weeks.

Some have asked previously, I am really short.  (5'2")  I guess that makes my weights look really low to a lot of people.  My highest ever weight is 210 lbs.  I was completely miserable.  My BMI was 39.  I was wearing a really tight 18.  I couldn't bear to buy a 20.  So I understand that my starting weight may be a lot of others goal, but something that was very unhealthy for me.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Good Morning!

I am having a wonderful morning!  I am officially overweight.  I never thought that I would be so excited to say that.  I have been trying to wrap my head around the fact that I will NEVER be obese again.  The family and I went out yesterday to take some fall pictures.  My 2 year old did not cooperate, but what else is new.

When I got on the scale and saw 162.8, I couldn't believe my eyes.  I stepped off the scale did the happy dance.  I stepped back on. 162.8.  I thought this thing is wrong.  Again 162.8! 

So, I guess I am overweight and  proud of it! 

This week has been a good one.  The weather has been wonderful.  My parents are coming to visit next weekend.  Mom has finished Christmas shopping so I will have to store everything for her, since they will fly home for Christmas.  I haven't even thought about starting Christmas shopping.  My daughter's birthday is November 12, so I probally won't even think about it until after that. 

Monday, October 18, 2010

Thoughts of the day

I think I may have actually figured out how to eat.  Now I know that sounds strange, but I was beginning to think that I was too tight after my last fill.  I was pbing a lot.  It would seem that I was feeling bad after about 2 bites. 

I have made a concious effort to truely slow down and have discovered that was my problem.  My question to all of you wonderful ladies (and a few guys) is, I hate for my food to be cold.  How do you eat so slow without your food getting cold? 

Weight is still going well.  Food intake is right on track.  All is well now that I don't spend all day pbing.  Does anyone know how hard it is to puke in a baby powder scented diaper baggie?  YUCK  I don't know what was worse... the fact that I had to pb or the smell of that baggie! 

My new (old) phone is acting up today.  I washed mine over the weekend.  I feel like such an idiot.  My daughter and I took a long walk on Saturday.  I had on a hoodie sweatshirt and I put my phone in the front pocket.  When I got home, I was talking to my husband as I loaded the washer.  Since I was doing a load of darks, I took it off and threw it in.  It never even touched the ground to where I could have heard it hit.  All my fault.  So I am back to old trusty that spends most of its life in the drawer to cover all of the family members in emergency.  Well old trusty is giving me trouble that I don't understand.  It will not call my mother.  How weird is that?  I have tried dialing with the area code without the area code.  I even erased her contact with my phone.  It always says call failed.  I thought it was her phone at first, but I called her from my office phone and it worked just fine.  So I told her what was going on and told her to call me.  She called on the cell from her phone and it worked just fine.   It has been like this all day.  I know that some would be ok with this, but I talk to my mom a couple of times a day.  Now I have to text her (because that goes through) to call me.  How retarded is that?  Any ideas?  I desperately need a new phone!

Friday, October 15, 2010

100th post!

I have been saving this one for a couple of days as it is my 100th post and I hadn't really come up with anything 100th post worthy to share. 

Tonight, my daughter and I went to my aunts house for dinner.  I had not seen my aunt in a year as last October we had a huge family rift and my mother and her sister and their respective families had not spoken in that time.  She invited us to dinner this evening.  It had been a year since I had seen her or her sons.  The reaction to my weightloss was astounding!   I was really excited to hear that.  Even from my cousins (we all used to be really close), they are 30 & 31 and men and they noticed.  Although I am wondering if it was the clothing that I was wearing today because I had another strange reaction today.  I finally went out of the house in size 12 jeans.  I went to work today and my boss said "Don't take this the wrong way, but you are looking good"  Is that just creepy or what?  I am just so glad that my efforts are being noticed, but was I such a troll or something before?

I am so glad that there are people who are still listening to me ramble after these first 100 posts!  You make be greatful for this community!  Thanks again!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


My 10 year old said something that really stuck with me last night.  He shares my battle with the bulge.  He has been a big boy since he was a baby and was also graced with my height. (that isn't a good thing!)

  He is a very compassionate child and has been very interested in my band from the very beginning.  He has been amazed by the weight loss and is the first one to say he is proud of me.  Anyway, we were sitting on the couch last night and he says, "Hailey (my 23 month old) is lucky." "Why honey?" "She will only know how to eat healthy so maybe she will never have to worry about losing weight."  Wow that hit me like a ton of bricks.  I hope that is the case, but I have also had Jordan in the kitchen with me teaching him that there is more to life than what comes from a box. 

I also worry however, that my dieting and trying to put some limits on Jordan may have a lasting effect on him.  When I last cleaned his room, I found a hidden box of cookies.  I did not purchase said box of cookies, so I am not sure where he got them.  He wouldn't answer when  I asked.  *We live in a small town and he could have ridden his bike to the little milk store a couple of blocks away*  Am I ruining his childhood by forcing my family to eat healthier because I don't want them to have to go through what I have?  I got so upset with my husband over the weekend.  He went on a scout camping trip with Jordan.  He also did the shopping for the trip.  I don't think that there was a thing in that bag that wasn't loaded with carbs.  There wasn't a thing healthy.  I was physically sick when I found out they went through 18 soda cans in 2 days.  Should I worry?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Port strangeness

My husband and I were walking through the Rural King (farm type store) on Sunday.  We wander in this store often.  Anyway, we made it out of the house without any children, which since Hailey was born doesn't happen very often.  So we are walking and my husband is strumming my port like it is a guitar or something.  I am not sure if he feels it or that is just where his hand is.  He says, "is that where they put the needle?"  I said yeah.  He thought it was really cool that he could feel it without any effort.  I am concerned that it will show quite a bit when I make it to goal.  I warned my husband of that fact and he said he didn't care.  Do you think that he might think that I will look like a freak?  I would think that I would still have a lot of fluffiness covering it because I still have a lot of weight to go, but I guess not if he can feel it without even trying. 

I have been working on a clothing exchange with Ginger at Gidgets Gadget.  This is a lot of fun.  I have quite a few pairs of pants in a 16 P left over and a couple of 18 P.  So if there are any shortys out there in need... email me!

I Share!Also I am looking for clothing in size 12 pants (I am a shorty, but can hem!) and Large or Medium shirts!  Any help would be appreciated!

Sunday, October 10, 2010


I think that I finally have it.  The weightloss is finally beginning to feel like it is almost effortless.  I am not getting hungry unless I haven't eaten in a long time.  I also do not require much food at all before I am full.   I am starting to have trouble with certain foods even if I go really slow.  But, I am now 2lbs from  being overweight!  I never thought I would get so excited about being overweight.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I haven't been around much this week, but...

I had to post for my 4 month bandiversary!  These past 4 months have been a whirlwind.  I am  down 31lbs since then (10 more before) for a total of 41 lbs lost!  I never imagined that I would be where I am now.  I still have a ways to go, but it all seems attainable!  I am doing well with my fill.  I think that I am where I need to be.  Eating is no longer the first thing on my mind.  I have to just day WOW!  To anyone reading this that is in the process of getting approval for surgery, keep going.  It may seem never ending now, but in the blink of an eye you will look back and wonder how you ever lived that way.  You will start living your life in ways you never imagined.  I am only 1/2 way there, I am so excited to see what there is to come!  I have been stopped at the Courthouse that I work out of (I am not there everyday) several times in the past week in several different offices to wonder what I am doing.  The weightloss must really be starting to show!  Here are some pictures!  I had to change the picture clothing.  The pants wouldn't stay up anymore!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Happy October!

Well it would appear by the outside of my house that October is here.  My hubby and boys have been putting up the zoo of halloween decorations all day.  These are pictures from last year, but you get the idea!  I spent the day relaxing a bit.  My oldest son went to his first homecoming last night.  I stayed up much later than I normally do. I don't know how I am going to handle this stay up until they get home thing.  I may have to make curfew 8pm! 

He was such a gentleman with his date.  It was really cute!  I can't believe how big he is getting!  He gets such a giggle when I ask him to reach something for me.

My fill from last week is still tight.  I am doing ok with it.  It is a learning process.  I think that this throat thing I have had going since Friday is causing more trouble than the tightness.  I can drink anything without trouble, eating I just need to go really slow.  I guess that means I really have what I need in my band!  The weather cooled down here this weekend.  I put on a sweatsuit from last year, I am swimming in it.  That is a good thing in so many ways!

Friday, October 1, 2010

I saw IT this morning!

40 lbs GONE FOREVER!  I never thought that I would reach this point!  This milestone totally makes me want to go on and on.  40lbs also means that I am really close to halfway to goal.  I would like to again thank all of you who follow me and leave the most supportive comments as I travel down the road to healthy.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Third fill!

Well this fill was quite uneventful.  Nothing like my last two experiences.  I got another full cc.  I now have 6cc in a standard AP band.  Doctor said that he could feel pressure pushing back on his thumb so we may be where we need to be.  I have lost 12 lbs since my last appointment 8 weeks ago.  I totally didn't think he would give me a fill let alone a full cc.  He commented that my band was still pretty empty.  I am not quite sure what he meant by that.  I go back the first week of December.  I am hoping for some restriction this time.  I have been weighing and measuring my food way too much!  Only a pound to go for 40 down!  I am getting  excited!

Monday, September 27, 2010

I just realized something.

I was cleaning in my office today.  We are housed in an old doctor's office, so each office has a whole bank of cabinets and a countertop.  Most offices (not mine) also have a sink.  The downside to having all of this cabinet space is that I practically live in my office.  As I was going through the cabinets, I found a stack of papers.  These papers had not been in there long, but I had just stuck them there for lack of a better place to put them.  Anyway, I took a good look at them.  They were a copy of all of my medical records that I obtained when I was gaining approval for my lap band surgery.  I guess I was just so worried about getting those papers to my surgeon, that I just copied them, and sent them on their merry way.  Maybe they didn't mean much then.  I don't know. 

I sat down and looked at them and there were two pages that showed my vitals including weight each time that I went the doctor since 2002.  All of these start about the time that I had my gall bladder surgery.  I have blamed a lot of my weight gain on that gall bladder surgery.  After I had the surgery, my pcp told me that I should expect to gain about 25lbs.  Within the year after that surgery, I gained 40lbs.  I made excuse after excuse about my weight.  All about the gall bladder surgery.  Amazing how we don't try to see what is really going on.  The year of the 40 lb gain was also the year right before my husband and I divorced.   Maybe me feeling bad about that 40lbs led to some of the marital problems we were having.  I also realized that I weigh 13 lbs less than I did at the weight that I balanced out at in 2003.  I weighed 183 for 5 years until 2008 when I got pregnant with my daughter and went up to 210 after I had her. 

I am so thankful for my lap band for giving me hope again to move downward on the scale and upward on my mood.  I can't even believe my luck when I realized that I was that much below where I had been for so many years.  It makes a lot of sense looking back now.  I had so many size 16 pants and xl shirts.  I guess that is what I wore for so long.  I got up to 18w and 2xl at my largest.  I am now in 14 and some 12 pants and large shirts.  The clothing size just amazes me as I had just reserved myself that I was going to be a 16 forever. 

I still have a ways to go to goal, but I feel like the victories come at the times when you most need them!!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

To the BOOBS...

Have a wonderful time in Chicaago!  Take lots of pictures and KEEP POSTING!  I am so missing not being there.  So bad as I really want to get in the car and go.  Too bad my husband took my car to St. Louis with him this morning...  I am not driving his for 6 hours, I am afraid to drive it in town!  Anyway, have a grand time everyone!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

How many calories?


I have tracked my calories daily for about 2 weeks now.  I have come up between 1000 and 1100 calories each day.  I have hit a lull in my weight loss.  I have been sitting at 170 for about 3 weeks now.  I am wondering how many you gals get.  I feel like I haven't moved because my metabolism is screwed or something.  I do know that I am in need of a fill and have an appointment on the 29th. 

I am at a loss for what I should be eating.  I am asking here because the nutritionist at my practice doesn't visit my office.  I like most foods, but for protein I do not like fish.  I can't seem to get past the smell and texture.  I have tried as I know this is a lower calorie protein source. 

I feel like I was doing so well, but have just stopped.  Am I getting too many calories?  Or not enough.  I have seen on a few websites that my basal metabolism is 1592 a day so I should be loosing right?  I do exercise, but probably not enough.  Any help would be appreciated!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cherry on Top Award!

Thank you so much Christine for this wonderful award!

 I really appreciate it!

Ok, this award’s rules for eligibility are:

1. Answer the question, “If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

There is only one thing in my life that I think that I would possibly go back and change.  My husband and I divorced for three years and remarried.  We were married for nine years when we called it quits.  Three years later we decided to give it another go.  That was three years ago.  I think that we wouldn't have went all the way to divorce if it wasn't so easy.  We separated in October and the divorce was completely finalized in November.  We didn't give it time.  However, all is not lost.  We both learned a lot throughout our time apart, for the better.

2. Pass on to six people and inform them of the award.
I am going to be a bump on a log and pass on the pass along.  I haven't had a lot of time to keep up on commenting and the such.  I read such glorious blogs so if you think you deserve an award, you get my vote!

Thank you so much Christine!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Portion sizes

I guess since I haven't been around in a week, this is going to be a two post day.  I have been having a lot of thoughts lately about portion sizes.  My particular portion sizes are probably bigger than they need to be.  I still don't have great restriction.  I do however realize over and over, how much less I eat now. 

As I posted earlier,  I spent the week at the fair.  Last year, I would have easily had a sandwich, a plate of ribbon fries with cheese, a lemon shake-up and then be looking for more.  I would do this a couple of times throuought the week.  This year, I got a philly cheese steak with a fork.  I ate approximately 1/3 of the meat and was stuffed.  I also took water bottles with me.  I didn't want to drink the sugar water.  This really amazed me.

In the fall and winter, I cook a big pot of soup on  Sunday's.  Every Sunday.  We have a warming element on our stove that keeps soup at the perfect temperature all day.  So I cook early, and don't have to worry about anything the rest of the day.  This was the first week of the year that I cooked soup.  Southwestern bean was on the menu.  Last year, I would eat several large bowls of soup throughout the day.   It was there and available.  Today, I didn't even fill my bowl.  I am really full.  I might go back for more at dinner. 

What the difference a year makes!

It has been a busy week

I haven't been around at all this week, so I thought that would give a quick update.  This past week was our town's festival.  Can you guess what we celebrate based on my daughter's picture from the parade yesterday?

Our town in small, less than 10,000 people.  The whole town comes out for the festival that lasts for a week.  Eating at the fair with a band is interesting to say the least.  I managed to make it through only getting stuck once, but no pb. My husband thought that I might need to help him at the pie eating contest.  I told him that unless he wanted to see a whole lot of slime on stage, that probably wasn't a good idea.  
Look at these big guys!  My husband is on the right.  They were beat in the pie eating contest by some skinny teachers!

My son (farthest left) had to join in on the pie eating activites also!
The parade in our town is such a big deal (2 1/2 hours).  People in town start setting up their chairs on Wednesday for Saturday's parade.  People always set up  their chairs in the same place year after year.  We had a great time! My oldest son worked on many projects for his Key club group.   Back to normalcy for us this week.  I leave you with another picture of my daughter.  Doesn't this picture just look like Americana?