Looking back...

We got a call today from the pathologist who did my brother's autopsy.  He stated that even though we had the death certificate that stated that he died from Pulmonary Edemic Congestion, he had more information to give us now that all of the toxicology was back.  I called it back in December... Obstructive Sleep Apnea caused the congestive heart failure.  He said that the congestive heart failure was not something that he dealt with for any time.  He just stopped breathing due to the sleep apnea and that caused his lungs to fill with fluid.  A silent thief in the night.  He was not dealing with other serious health conditions that we were speculating over the past week since receiving the death certificate.

I was looking on the internet during the call and came across this paragraph during my search.  It all makes sense now. "People with sleep apnea syndrome have a higher risk of death than the normal population. The price they pay includes a potentially crippling deterioration in daily functioning, an increased risk of high blood pressure and stroke, depression, and death either in accidents or in their sleep. There are terrible costs for the family of the person with sleep apnea syndrome, who may experience irritability, mood changes, lowered sexual drive and capacity, and a reduction of intellectual ability. In addition there are major business, insurance, health, and social costs including the loss of productivity, the impact of accidents caused by a driver or worker falling asleep, and the wasted health care dollars spent on alleviating symptoms like heart disease without treating their possible underlying cause."

I mention this for those who are awaiting insurance approval, or contemplating a band to deal with this condition.  Please don't take sleep apnea lightly!

Here is the article: http://www.healthyresources.com/sleep/apnea/articles/protect.html  A lot of the things mentioned in this article make a lot of sense looking back.  If I can say one thing that gives me peace, it would be a thankfulness that this only took him.  I say that because 2 weeks after his death, he was set to start over the road truck driving classes with a guaranteed employment. He had been looking for a job for a long time.  We just thought he was really lazy.  I thank the Lord for not allowing him to take this condition over the road and possibly take someone with him.  My brother was a very caring and loving man, it would have broken him if something had happened in a big rig and he took someones life.

I love you Bill. I always will miss you, but I feel so much better knowing that you weren't keeping any problems you were having from me.  I feel fortunate to have been your sister.  I wish my kids would have been able to spent more time with you, but as the article suggests... sleep apnea is a thief in the night.  I'm sorry we suggested you were lazy.

This is the last picture that we have together.  It was taken about a month before he left us.

I have had a wonderful week. Let's hope more are to come!

This week has been wonderful.  Weight loss has begun again and I am feeling great!  From the comments that I got on my last post, I was really surprised that so many of you haven't heard of The Firm.  I have been working out (not consistently of course otherwise I wouldn't have had a weight problem) with this group of DVD's or VHS back in the day since the 80s.  Check out www.firmdirect.com to see what all the hype is!  I have ordered the Firm express and am waiting for it to come in the mail.  I am hoping that this gives me the extra push for the last 20 pounds!  I already have the Total Transfirmation system.  The weights really make a difference!  Seems like I get more toned, and more muscle means more calories burned resting.  That is always a good thing!

I am finding it hard to comprehend that I am 20 lbs from my goal.  I can't even imagine what it will be like to get there.  I totally am in love with my lap band. 

Life is good.

My slight unfill is still doing me good. I love being able to eat without fear of a PB. I have still lost a lb so things are moving in the right direction.

I have been looking at a new workout program and wanted to see if anyone has tried it yet. I have always found my way back to The Firm each time I am serious about losing weight. This dates back to high school when I was thin and just wanted the edge. If anyone is familiar with the 80's firm (Susan Harris), they will understand wanting to get into the high cut leotards and look good. Oh and my weights were never as pretty as theirs. Back on subject, The Firm has released a new 12 week cycle training program called the The Firm express. It looks really interesting. This company has been around for over 25 years so I trust when they have something new. I just wondered if anyone has tried it. I think that I will order it next week.

The world is going well.  I have been so busy at work.  I have so many files out of the drawer, I wonder if I will ever get caught up.  It seems that whenever I schedule a block of time to work on the files, something goes wrong.  The other day, I had to have a kid arrested for burglarizing the school and urinating on his teachers desk.  What is wrong with kids these days?  Anyway that took most of the day that day, then I had to be in Court with him yesterday.  So that blew two big blocks of time.  I am out doing home visits all day today so hopefully I can work on that stuff tomorrow.  All of the mess is closing in on me.  Like I am claustrophobic in there.  Here's to he phone not ringing!!!

Anyway, I need to get ready for my day.  Everyone in blogland have a wonderful day too! 

Another blog award!

Thank you to The Cable-Tied Dragonfly for this award!  I have always loved that name.  You'll see why in a minute. 

The rules of this award are to tell 7 things about yourself then thank the blogger who gave it to you.  You need to pass the award on to other deserving bloggers.

Ok 7 things about me...

1.  Like I said in the beginning, I have always loved the name of the Cable-Tied dragonfly.  This is because I have this fascination with cable ties.  I fix lots of things with them, and even have them in my desk at work.  This was very helpful on one occasion when I fixed the office toilet with one.  That fix is still in use over a year later!  When people ask me to describe my band I tell them that it is like a cable tie on the top of my stomach.  Anyone who knows me really well just laughs a bit at the irony.

2.  I am not an over motherly person.  I hate this about myself, but can't seem to change it.  Thank goodness my husband picks up the slack.  I couldn't imagine wanting to me a stay at home mom.  That unfortunately is my version of hell.

3.  I am addicted to sets.  I obsess over things if there are more pieces of a set that I don't have.  It is a sick habit especially because I don't need most of the things.  It was really bad with baby things.  I would worry if I didn't have everything that matched.  I mean EVERYTHING that was made to match.  Very expensive.

4.  My husband and I have been married twice.  We took a 3 year break from our marriage.  We are much better off this time.  We were married for 9.5 years the first time and 3.5 this time. 

5.  I am going to be a grandma this year.  I insist that I must be called MiMi as I am 35 and still not sure I can deal with the grandma thing.  I am excited and scared for my step-son though.  He has no clue what he is getting into!

6.  I don't think I was was ever happy in my life until recently.  I feel like I missed so many years!  I finally have been able to accept all that life has given me and use it all to my best advantage!  This is a wonderful feeling.

7.  Teenage boys are GROSS!  Just a thought, not so much about me but my 15 yo son never ceases to amaze me in this aspect. 

On to the nominations.


Manda Panda
Jacquie
Stephanie
Dawnya
Christine

Thanks again to The Cable-Tied Dragonfly for this honor!  It always amazes me that my ramblings actually help some people.

Award and some other major news!

Thank you, Lisa for the award! You are so sweet!

Okay, here's the deal. I have to list five guilty pleasures and then nominate three fabulous and sweet bloggers I know and love!

As you all know, I am a mom so time for guilty pleasures is few and far between.

1)  I absolutely love bubble baths.  When we remodeled our bathroom we put in a wider soaker bathtub (sick if you really think about the skewed sense of reality there).  I totally love to fill it up with water, light candles, and just soak in the hot water!  It is even better when fingers aren't sticking under the door!

2) I love to get up early in the morning and drink my coffee and just relax.  I get up at least 1.5 hours before anyone else in the house.  This is my time.  It is quiet and I totally enjoy it!

3) My husband and I love to remodel in our house.  We enjoy making everything our own.  My husband is amazing with his woodworking and I do the drywall and painting!

4) I make hairbows.  My daughter has so many bows we never know where to put them all.  When the new season is upon us, I bring out all of her clothes and make 3 matching bows for each outfit (1 large bow and 2 smaller ones for pigtails).  Have to have options you know!  LOL

5) I totally enjoy laundry!  I love to smell the clean clothing.   I love to iron.  I am a sick woman!

For my nominations I am choosing in no particular order...

1) Ginger who announced her wonderful new job today!
2) Angela who has been having some issues with her band. Hopefully all will work out ok.
3) Kristen who's wonderful and has been taking care of her fiance who was banded recently


On to my other news, we finally found out what took my brother today.  I feel peace now that I know for sure what it was.  The autopsy revealed that he died from congestive heart failure.  This is definitely not something that should take a 30 year old man.  It was determined that this was not something that he had been fighting for any time and that it just happened very very quickly.  They also believe that his weight was a contributing factor.  I am so glad that I have my band and have made a positive step toward independence from my weight! 
.

Unfill

Well I finally made it in to my surgeons office.  I told him what was going on with the tightness and he asks why I didn't come in sooner!  Well why is simple... I haven't had the time.  He is only in the office that is one hour away from me one day every other week.  Mix that in with the holidays and my current family situation and yeah right that is happening!  Anyway, back to my conversation with him.  He was very interested in my tightness that was brought on by stress.  I told him that we made it through the beginning when my band slammed shut by my PCP prescribing Xanax.  It seemed to calm me down enough to open up my band so that I could eat.  My surgeon was amazed by this as he said he never thought of it!  Interesting as he has been doing this for quite some time.  Well I can't stay on Xanax forever so some unfill was in order.  My surgeon still thought that maybe I was eating too fast or something.  HELLO>>> I AM TELLING YOU THAT I AM SERIOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND NEED RELIEF NOW AND HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS FOR MORE THAN AN MONTH... DO YOU THINK THAT I HAVEN'T TRIED THAT!??   I had a fill just days before my brother passed so my thought is that I just never got adjusted to it. 

Anyway he finally tells me that he will take out the fill that he put in last time.  1.0 cc.  OK, good.  Now I am wondering...  What is the green zone?  Does anyone really know what it feels like?  Maybe I was there and the last fill put me over the edge?  I have 6.5 cc now. 

My surgeon didn't make me another appointment.  He told me to call when I felt I needed a fill.  Great!  Then he says something that really gets me.  He said that where I am on weight now 145 lbs is where most people my height would stop and say that they are fine.  I am not fine.  I need to lose 20 more lbs to not be overweight anymore.  He said that I have surpassed all weightloss goals in the 7 months since I have had my band.  He said that I would still lose, but just that this is where most of his patients are comfortable.  NOT ME!  So I guess I call when I need a fill and go on with my life.  I hope that this exercise bug remains!!!!!! 

So on the way home, I hadn't eaten anything all day and it was now 2pm.  I had a protein shake for breakfast.  I am getting a little hungry.  I think of what in the world I could eat and drive.  Nothing came to mind, so I went to McDonalds (I know, I know).  I was going to get a snack size mcflurry as I could go slow and possibly make it home without PB.  Anyway I get to the order and something makes me change my mind.  I order a McDouble with the bun...  I slowly eat half of it.  I am full, but no PB.  Does this mean that I could possibly eat somewhat like a normal human?  I only eat the half.  I take that as a victory.  And I am reminded that McD is nasty...  Oh well it was an experiment anyway.  I hope I am not too loose!

On other news, My husband received the District Award of Merit from the Boys Scouts last night.  It was a wonderful evening.  Food was served and I wasn't scared of PBing after this afternoons adventures.  That was an awesome feeling because I haven't been able to eat in public for a while.  Served to us was fried chicken, mashed potatoes with white gravy, corn, and rolls.  OMG carb city!  I ate very little without pain and was satisfied.  Maybe this is the green zone and I didn't know it last time?

Crazy times!

I always feel that the holidays drag on on and on in our house.  One of my sons has a birthday on January 9 and my husband's birthday is January 19.  I usually can't relax until then.  We went ahead and had my husband's birthday today as we were both off work and we will be quite busy the rest of the week.  On Wednesday, his actual birthday we are going to an awards dinner in which (he doesn't know this yet, but he also doesn't know where to find my blog) he will be receiving the District Award of Merit for our district in the Boy Scouts.  It has been an adventure getting him to actually even go to the ceremony.  The commitee and I have been working on it for over a month!  He didn't want to go as it was on his birthday.  It has taken a lot of super secret stuff, but he said he would go because it is our last year in Cubs.  Wow it is so weird to say that.  We have had a boy in Cub Scouts for the past 13 years!  Next month we will be crossing the youngest boy to Boy Scouts just as soon as he receives his Arrow of Light award. 

Today, my husband and I went out to check on several of his geocaches that he has out in the area.  It was a nice day for a drive.  We only found one that we had to replace, so all is good.  If you are not familiar with geocaching check out www.geocaching.com it is like a scavenger hunt with GPS.  We have been doing this for a couple of years and when we go on vacation we often map our route to find a couple of caches along the way.  It is really neat to get off at an exit on the interstate you would have never gotten off of before to find a cache and see what is really there!  Check it out!

Well I guess I can't complain, but I have caught the exercise bug!  My husband bought me the Biggest Loser for Wii.  I love it!  I think that motivator is that the game is disappointed in you if you don't exercise on a day when you are supposed to.  So I do that exercise program so the game doesn't yell at me.  When I finish that workout is when the magic happens.  I want to do more!  I will dance with Just Dance for an hour or I have been doing a circuit training DVD for an hour.  The scale hasn't reflected much yet, but I think it is the muscle exchange.  I am hoping for scale movement soon.  It kinda stopped after my freefall in December.  I am however down a lot since my last fill!  I go back to the doctor on Wednesday. 

Sorry about my rambling on and on.  My head is still a little full from the sinus junk I have had going on all weekend.

Wow, I feel like I have been gone forever...

I am still here.  I am reading and commenting a lot more than I was so I am making progress.  We still do not know the outcome of the autopsy.  I feel like it has been so long (a month already), that when we do get the results it will be like he has just passed all over again.  I feel like he is just gone, like in the Marines again gone.  I don't know if it just hasn't completely hit me yet or what.  I really missed him at my son's 15th birthday party on Sunday.  It was almost like there was an empty chair.  My parents are in California for the time being and my brother was all the family that we had in the area.  I feel awfully alone.

My husband has still been absolutely amazing.  This sounds awful, but this event has drawn us much closer together.  We depend on each other so much more now.  My husband is not one to express himself directly, but he put the nicest memorial on my brother's facebook page.  I knew that they had been close, but I didn't realize how much so until I read his words.

On a happier note, I bought a goal outfit!!!!  I will fit in it someday!  It is a size 6.  We are going to Hawaii in November.  I am in a 10 now, with some 8's starting to fit.  I really hope to be at goal by November.  I have 23 lbs to go! 

This is NOT ME!  Just the dress.  I really wish it was me...

I'm back!

The holidays are over.  Everyone in my house is back to work and school.  YEAH!  I am so glad.  My house will stay cleaner.  Food will stay in the refridgerator for more than an hour (teenage and pre-teen boys).    Work for me is starting off with a bang.  I have been really busy which I love.  We have had Judge rotations though and I am not sure that I am happy with the juvenile choice for the year.  We will see how that goes.  It takes a bit to get into the groove when someone comes to Juvenile, but this one scares me and I am one of the good guys in the room!

Life is slowly making its way back to just life.  Scouts started back up this week which means my husband will be gone 3 nights this week.  I enjoy that time though.  After he was home for most of the month of Dec.  I enjoy a little time to myself to exercise and such.  He got me the Biggest Loser for Wii and I have been doing that this week.  It is pretty good.  The only big problem I have is that my workout pants don't have pockets so I have nowhere to put the remote for some of the exercises.  I end up sticking it in the waistband and it doesn't stay or register well.  Any suggestions?  Also last night it was a sight at our house.  My 15 year old son got Just Dance 2 from my mother for Christmas.  He wasn't amused.  I asked him to bring it up last night to play with me after his workout.  He didn't want to at first, but after about 1/2 hour of just moving his arm he started competing with me.  It was quite a sight.  I will have to see if my husband really did tape us with the flip or not.  I know that he get it out of my purse. Of course after the initial laugh by my husband, he and my younger son joined in!  All 4 of us in the living room dancing our asses off!  How great is that!? I also can't wait to use my flip soon for my first vlog!  I haven't done one of those yet.  Maybe I will work on that this weekend.  Everyone have a wonderful day!  It is mid week so we are on the downward stretch!