He is a very compassionate child and has been very interested in my band from the very beginning. He has been amazed by the weight loss and is the first one to say he is proud of me. Anyway, we were sitting on the couch last night and he says, "Hailey (my 23 month old) is lucky." "Why honey?" "She will only know how to eat healthy so maybe she will never have to worry about losing weight." Wow that hit me like a ton of bricks. I hope that is the case, but I have also had Jordan in the kitchen with me teaching him that there is more to life than what comes from a box.
I also worry however, that my dieting and trying to put some limits on Jordan may have a lasting effect on him. When I last cleaned his room, I found a hidden box of cookies. I did not purchase said box of cookies, so I am not sure where he got them. He wouldn't answer when I asked. *We live in a small town and he could have ridden his bike to the little milk store a couple of blocks away* Am I ruining his childhood by forcing my family to eat healthier because I don't want them to have to go through what I have? I got so upset with my husband over the weekend. He went on a scout camping trip with Jordan. He also did the shopping for the trip. I don't think that there was a thing in that bag that wasn't loaded with carbs. There wasn't a thing healthy. I was physically sick when I found out they went through 18 soda cans in 2 days. Should I worry?
8 comments:
Aw man. Usually those kinds of food and self-image issues are things that parents have to deal with their daughters; I think it's rare that you have a son that struggles with food and self-image issues.
I don't have kids, so I don't REALLY know what you're going through, and I don't have any first-hand experience and advise to share with you. So, just thinking about it, here's what makes sense to me, but again, I don't know...
* Take the kiddo shopping with you. Show him the list, then ask him to pick out healthy versions of food. For example, you have "ground beef" on the list; ask him to pick out the healthiest version. If you have butter on the list, ask him to pick out the healthier version.
* Talk to him a lot. About how he feels when he eats. About why he binge eats & eats in secret. Is he doing it because he's sad? Frustrated? Help him to figure out a healthier way of coping with those feelings.
* Talk to your hubby about your kid's food choices and your concern about that camping trip and what it's teaching your son.
* The eating in secret part is really bothersome to me. The fact that he wouldn't even talk about it sends warning signals off that he's developing disordered eating patterns. Maybe talk to the school psych or something to see if you need to consider having Jordan see a regular counselor?
Well the camping trip was a one time thing, right? So I wouldn't worry about that. And your son is only 10, he has years of growth spurts ahead of him. My brother was similar; and all through high school he was pudgy and short. Well something happened when he was 18, he grew several inches and it all distributed! All you can do is now set a good example for your kids, but I think banning all "bad foods" sets up failure too. A treat here and there is good for a kid.
I worry about this with my girls as well. I think setting a good example is really the best thing you can possibly do. The eating in secret thing worries me the most. I'm not sure if this is what it is but it indicates he feels ashamed when he eats. As for the camping trip, indulgences from time to time is OK. He's a kid. And as long as he's eating healthy MOST of the time, then a weekend a few times a year of nothing but sugar and soda isn't going to kill him. I think it's important to make it all about choices - as opposed to good food/bad food...make it good choice/not as good a choice. Good luck!
oh wow...I could have written this post except it be about my daughter. She's 10 and is blessed with my genes (if you want to call that a blessing - I prefer to refer to it as a curse) and I always feel bad because my husband and I have had many a battle with her.
She now sees a nutritionist at our local Children's hospital and it's a more positive program. It's hard. You feel like the food nazi and I think for those of us who have battled weight, we want to protect our children from the hurt that can come from it. (emotional hurt) I know that's your intention as it is mine. And then we worry because we also remember the times maybe that our parents tried to stop us from our bad habits and we became angry. Such a catch 22.
What I've started doing is reinforcing her positive behavior with more praise. High fiving her when she packs her lunch with protein, etc. She's a total carb junkie. I was a total carb junkie at one point. It sucks.
Sending you hugs and tell your son that if he's looking for a girlfriend, I have a cute little girl. :) LOL! (Who's a gorgeous blonde cheerleader!)
My 9-year-old daughter has the same struggles. She also hides food, which to me, is the worst part of it. I beleive that diets are a big part of the reason that we become obese because they don't teach us to recognize our hungry and satiety (in fact they do the opposite). We diet and lose weight and quit and re-gain. Most of us started out a few pounds overweight and ended up obese after years of this cycle. It all starts with dieting. I encourage my daughter to use moderation when she eats and I encourage her to be active. But I will not encourage her to go on a diet. I also encourage her to eat lots of protein because we are vegetarians and the carbs add to the problem.
For the food hiding problem, I now check her things and I've talked to her about it. She can have her dessert or treats after dinner so she shouldn't need to hide food. If nothing is off-limits then there's no reason to hide.
I agree with the others about the camping trip. It was a special occassion as oppossed to the way they usually eat. It would have been nice to see SOME healthy foods represented, but I wouldn't worry about it.
OMG - I was just talking to someone else about this. My daughter is 6 and just starting to get a little pudgy. I worry to death that always talking to her about it will eventually give her an eating disorder, but not addressing it will give her a life like mine.
It's such a hard situation.
This really breaks my heart because it was one of my strongest reasons for getting the band. I think for me I would worry most about him hiding the food. Did he feel like cookies are a no-no, was it self hate, was it not wanting to share the cookies......there are a thousand reasons. I don't eliminate treats at our house because I don't think its realistic. They are going to be faced with these choices outside the home so I want them to know that treats are no big deal in moderation.
With that said, as a mom my heart aches for you. Talk to him, see if he will open up to you. There are so many things that you can do as a family to exersise without it feeling like exersise. He may understand more than you think, explain to him how you felt by what happend and why you got the band. We all want the best for our kids.
I don't have any children so I feel that it's not my place to tell you what you should do but when I was a child my mom would get after me for eatting the wrong things and that would make me want to eat it even more. So I think that allowing him to have some treats is ok but in moderation and not overdue it.
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